Neighbors
by Natascha Romanoff
Summary: Director Fury orders Natasha Romanoff to pose as Steve Rogers' neighbor Natalie Rushman to protect him after he started working for SHIELD. THE SEQUEL "STILL FALLING FOR YOU" IS ONLINE
1. Chapter 1

_AN: The battle of New York didn't happen in this story._

* * *

Chapter One

Natasha Romanoff stared at the rugs at IKEA. What kind of rug would Natalie Rushman chose? She decided to take the blue one for her living room and picked a few other things and paid them with the credit card Fury gave her. She had to storage her beloved Corvette and was now driving a VW beetle. She really hoped no one who knew her would see her in this car. She had dyed her hair from red to blonde but there was still the chance that she could be recognized. She drove back to her new apartment and carried the stuff up the stairs. Would it have killed Fury to chose a building with a fucking elevator? But no, he wanted an old brick complex for Captain America to move in. He was the reason Natasha had to go undercover. Fury gave her the order to move into the apartment across the hallway from the one Captain Rogers would live in two weeks. She was assigned to protect him and to keep an eye on him. Fury picked her because she was the best when it came to undercover ops and he thought that she was the least likely to swoon over Captain America. Apparently Coulson was on cloud nine ever since SHIELD found Steve Rogers six months ago. He had lived in New York for the time being, going to therapy and getting briefed on SHIELD and everything he missed in the last seventy years. Fury was now sure that Rogers was ready to work for SHIELD and he would move to DC where SHIELD's HQ was.

Natasha was supposed to make sure that no crazy fans would get to him or someone would try to take him out. And Fury wanted her to befriend him so he wouldn't be so alone and he would tell her if he met someone and SHIELD could look into their background to make sure they had no ulterior motives. The world went crazy when President Ellis announced that Captain America was found and adapting to this world. They were even planning an exhibit at the Smithsonian. Fury had picked this building because a lot of old people lived here and he hoped Rogers would connect with her since she would be the only one his biological age. She would pose as the friendly girl next door who worked as a nurse at a hospital. She almost laughed when Fury told her her cover. She would make a terrible nurse and she found it kind of hilarious that a former KGB spy was sent to protect America's golden boy. And they said Fury had no sense of humor!

SHIELD deleted everything from the time she used her Natalie Rushman persona on Tony Stark in case Rogers googled her and realized that things didn't match up. She was told that Rogers would lead STRIKE and her best friend Clint would be part of it which meant that she couldn't see him for the next months. It sucked but it was part of the job. She would have to stay away from the Triskelion while Rogers was in town and could only go when he was on a mission. That left her with a lot of free time since she definitely wouldn't work as a nurse (she had enough medical background to patch herself up but she wasn't qualified to work at a hospital). Fury told her to see the undercover op as vacation and promised to send her on a few local missions if it was possible. Maybe she should sign up for cooking classes, next door Natalie seemed like someone who wanted to learn how to cook.

Captain Rogers moved in two weeks later and she waited another three days until she introduced herself. She bought cookies at a local bakery, put them in pretty mason jar she also just bought, and slipped into jeans and a white t-shirt to make herself look sweet and harmless. With the cookies under her arm she knocked on his door and he opened a few moments later.

She had seen the pictures from the 40s and recent ones and she knew that he was attractive but seeing him in person was completely different. No wonder, Coulson was fangirling all over him. The man was hot!

"Um, hi?"

She flashed him a big smile. "Hey. I'm Natalie Rushman. I live across the hall and I thought I say hi." She shoved the cookie jar into his hands. "A little welcoming present."

"Uh, thank you." He offered her his hand. "I'm Steve Rogers, ma'am."

She blinked two times at him. "Oh God, I didn't recognize you at first. I'm sorry!"

He blushed a bit. "That's fine."

"Enjoy the cookies, Captain Rogers." She nodded at him and was about to turn around to go back to her place.

"Please call me Steve." He tugged the jar against his chest.

"In that case, I'm Natalie." She gave him another smile because he seemed unsure. "I'll see you around, Steve."

"Yeah." He nodded his head. "Have a nice day, Natalie." She wished him the same and he closed his door. First contact was made.

* * *

Two days later Rogers knocked on her door to give her the cookie jar back. He had an already healing scar on his cheek and she knew from Clint that they had saved hostages in Columbia. Clint had been raving about Captain America's abilities and that their first mission went smoothly.

"Thank you again for your cookies. They were great." He gave her a little smile. "I would have made you some but I don't know how to bake."

"I'll tel you a little secret." She winked at him. "I don't know how to bake either. I bought them."

"Oh." He laughed a little. "Did you buy them just for me?"

"Well, yeah." She made herself blush a little. "I just moved here and the lady from the second floor told me that someone my age moved in. I don't know anyone here in DC yet and I wanted to make a good impression."

"You did." He seemed surprised at himself for saying that. "Um, you seem really nice and I don't really know anyone here either."

"Now you know me."

"Yeah, I do." He smiled. "Have a nice evening."

"You, too." She thought briefly about inviting him in but she didn't want to come on too strong. He could suspect something if she rushed things. She had to send Clint a text telling him to invite Rogers to a sports bar or something. His eyes looked so sad when he said that he didn't really know anyone here.

* * *

Natasha "happened" to run into Rogers a few times in the next weeks and talked a little bit with him. So far he still came home alone every day but she knew from Clint that he went to get some beers with STRIKE and he seemed to dislike Rumlow which delighted her. She hated that dick. Rogers was home from a mission and she had used his absence to brief Fury at the Trikelion and to use the shooting range. Not that there was much to tell.

She grabbed the cheese cake Fury's wife made for her and walked with it to Rogers' apartment. She knocked and Steve opened the door almost immediately.

"Hi, Natalie." He smiled at her.

"Hey." She held the cake up. "A patient gave me this as a thank you. You wanna share it with me? It's too much for me."

"Yeah, sure." He moved to the side. "Do you want to come in?"

She had actually been counting on it. "Yes, thanks."

Rogers' apartment felt impersonal. It still looked the same like it did when she inspected it before he moved in. She could only see the stuff SHIELD got him before his arrival.

"I know it's a bit spartan." He rubbed the back of his head. "I'm not great at decorating."

"I got a rug that I don't really like with my furniture. You can have that."

"Oh, that's really nice. Thank you. How much do I owe you?"

She waved him off. "Nothing, it's fine." She placed the cake on his kitchen table. "Maybe you can let me take you to Target so we can make your place more cozy?" Natasha would never want her place to look cozy but Natalie did.

"Yeah. But only if you want to." He said shyly and set the table.

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise. Don't worry." She cut the cake and put a piece on Rogers' plate. "I have the weekend off. Do you have time then? We can take my car."

"So far I'm free." He smiled sheepishly. "But work could come up. So I might have to cancel. Sorry."

She took a bite from the cake. LaTanya really knew how to make a cheese cake. "I get it. Captain America has irregular work hours."

"Yeah, something like that. Thank you for understanding."

She stayed for half an hour and they talked. Rogers' seemed like a really nice guy and she hoped for him that he would find his place in this world. It was really charming when he asked her if she ever heard of the show FRIENDS and that it was really good. He walked her to his door and only closed it when she was back in her apartment. Not that something could have happened in the minute she needed to go to her door but it showed her again that he was a nice person. She almost felt bad for lying to him.

Going to Target on a Saturday hadn't been one of Natasha's best ideas and she was reminded why she ordered everything online. Rogers kept his baseball cap on the whole time and added his sunglasses when they were outside. She really didn't envy him for being so famous. Maybe he was good at being incognito but she figured that people didn't recognize him because they didn't expect to run into Captain America at Target. They got a few things for his place and Natasha bought a foot bath. She started to do ballet again and her feet could use some pampering. Rogers' seemed excited that she danced and told her that he loved to draw (she already knew that from his files) and she asked him if he could draw her as a present for her father. Not that she had one but she could send the picture to Coulson to make him jealous that she got drawn by Captain America. Rogers got flustered but he agreed to do it. She introduced him to Thai food and he insisted to pay. She let him, not that it would have bothered her to pay for both of them. SHIELD paid for all her expenses during her mission. She drove them back to their apartment building and helped him get his stuff to his place.

"By when do you need the picture?" He asked her while they put her old rug into his living room. It really looked better here than at her place. She never liked the thing to begin with.

"Huh?" What picture?

"The drawing for your dad."

"Right! Sorry, I guess Target tired me out." She faked a little laugh. She had already forgotten about that. That was not good, she had to remember everything she told him. "His birthday is next month. Should I give you a picture of me or do you need me to pose."

"Working with an actual model is always better but you can lend me a photo if you're uncomfortable with it."

There wasn't anything she wasn't comfortable with. Came with the job, and her past. "No, it's fine. I can pose for the drawing. Thank you again."

"No need. You gave me your rug and spent the day at Target with me. I'm the one who's thankful."

* * *

Rogers was gone during the next two weeks on a mission in Afghanistan and Fury used his absence to send her finally on a mission in Dallas to take out a drug lord with a few other agents. It felt really good to finally fire a gun again and to kick some ass. She had missed the action and probably hit the bad guys a bit too much but they weren't saints so she didn't really care. One guy did manage to land a hit on her and she now had a black eye. She tried to cover it with concealer but it still shimmered through.

Someone knocked on her door. It had to be Rogers, no one else visited her here. Were two weeks already over? She answered the door and he smiled at her until he noticed her black eye.

"What happened?" He looked worried and slightly angry. "Who did this to you?"

"A patient at the hospital. We tried to restrain him but his fist met my face before we managed that." She lied smoothly.

"Does it hurt?"

"It's fine, don't worry." She broke the guy's jaw so they were probably even.

He eyed her and then nodded. "Okay." He handed her a paper bag. "Um, I got this for you."

She looked inside and he got her a beautiful scarf. He must have bought it in Afghanistan. "Thank you, Steve! I loved it." She really did, it was a beautiful piece.

He seemed relieved. "Good. I wasn't so sure if I chose the right one."

"Have you eaten yet?" He shook his head. "I was gonna order some pizza. You wanna join me? My treat, as a thank you for the scarf."

"Sounds great. But I can pay for my own."

"Nonsense. Come in, I'll get the menu." She ordered a medium sized pizza for herself and a family sized one for Rogers after he admitted that he had to eat a lot because of his serum (she already knew that).

She got a six pack out of her fridge and offered him a beer while they waited for their food to arrive. "How come you never ask me?"

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"How come you never ask me about being Captain America?"

That question caught her off guard. She assumed that he wanted her to see him as Steve Rogers and not Captain America. He seemed like the guy who didn't care about his fame. Had she read him wrong? "Um, I didn't think you wanted to talk about that?"

"No, no, you're right about that. It's just people only want to talk about that once they figure out who I am." He took a sip and smiled shyly. "I guess I found my first friend?"

She swallowed. "Looks like it." She smiled back and for the first time in a very long time she felt uncomfortable. The person Rogers considered his friend didn't really exist. She hoped for him he would soon find real friends who didn't lie to him whenever they saw him.

* * *

Rogers and her had been neighbors for two months now and they ate regularly together and he helped her assemble a book shelf because she was waiting for a giant book order. Clint had told her that Rogers ,when asked by STRIKE if he had a girl, told them that there maybe was someone he liked. She also knew that Rogers was pretty popular with the female agents and Maria complained she practically had to beat them with a stick to get them away from Rogers so SHIELD could run smoothly. Since Natasha was pretty sure he hadn't met any civilians yet, it had to be someone at SHIELD who peaked his interest. Maybe it was Maria, now that would be hilarious. And in case Rogers came to his friend Natalie for tips on wooing women, she ordered every romance novel on Amazon with decent reviews. Natasha had no clue when it came to romance and all that crap so she had to study to ensure that Natalie could help Rogers.

Rogers told her that he met a veteran named Sam Wilson on his morning runs while they assembled the book shelf and she later informed Maria so she could do a background check on the guy to make sure he had no ulterior motives. As it turned out Wilson passed the check and she was glad for Rogers that he had made a new friend that seemed to be genuine. She was surprised when Rogers asked her if she wanted to go with him and Wilson to a film festival but it was a good opportunity to take a look at this man to make sure his intentions were good. God, she sounded like a dad who would met his daughter's boyfriend. Wilson was funny and nice, flirted a bit with her and she decided that he really liked Rogers and wasn't just some fanboy or even a danger to him.

According to the calendar it was summer but it had rained for days and Rogers made that drawing of her. He really was talented and it was almost like he drew Natasha and not Natalie. She thanked him and complimented him which caused him to blush. It was actually quite charming. She liked the sketch so much that she decided not to send it to Coulson but to keep it herself. She could just snap a photo and send it to him, it would still make him jealous that she got Captain America to draw her.

When she woke up on Sunday morning it finally stopped raining. In fact the sun was shining and she decided to enjoy the good weather and to do something outside. Maybe she should stop by Fury's house to use his pool, he wasn't there but LaTanya would surely let her in. Maybe she would even get some cookies. She was just finished getting ready and packed a swimsuit into her bag when someone knocked on her door.

"Hey." Steve was on the other side of the door. "Um..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You wanna take a tour with me on my bike? The weather's so nice." He held up two bags for his motorcycle. "We can have a picnic somewhere. I made sandwiches and got lemonade." His cheeks were slightly pink. Why? She took a closer look at him and then it dawned on her. Steve Rogers was interested in Natalie. Romantically. Natalie was the girl he maybe liked. Fuck, what was she supposed to do? She didn't think Fury saw that coming. Should she encourage his interest? Should she turn him down? Maybe that would make him avoid her and she couldn't look after him anymore. Why did Fury not ask another agent to do this mission? There was still the chance that she was reading him wrong and he just wanted to do something with the girl who seemed to have no friends.

Rogers' face fell a bit. "We don't... I get it if you got already plans-"

"No, sounds great!" She said quickly. "I'd love to. Let me just grab a jacket and we can go."

Steve basically beamed at her. "Really? That's awesome."

She felt like the biggest asshole for getting his hopes up. Wait, did she just call Rogers Steve in her mind? That was a rookie mistake that shouldn't have happened. Always keep a distance between you and your target, Natasha!

* * *

 _AN: As far as we know Fury's not married, so I borrowed the name for his wife from Samuel L. Jackson's wife._

 _Welcome to a new Romanogers story! I hope you'll like the new journey. Let me know what you think._


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!_**

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Chapter 2

Natasha spent the whole day with Rogers. She sat down behind him on his bike and wrapped her arms around his middle for support. She didn't know when the last time was that she had been on a bike and didn't drive herself but Natalie didn't know how to drive a motorcycle. They drove along the Potomac River and stopped at a small town and found a gazebo with view over the river. It was really nice there. Rogers told her about things that happened before the ice and that she hadn't read about in his files. He was opening up to her and all she could offer him in return were more lies. It didn't exactly make her feel good. They returned when the sun was already down and she had to admit that she really enjoyed exploring the area with him. Rogers was nice company. She thanked him for the nice day and disappeared behind her door. She didn't include the things she learned about Rogers today in her weekly report. There was no way that Fury would find out about her withdrawing information so she didn't feel bad.

Maybe she should tell Maria to stop chasing away the women from Rogers so he could get to know one of them better and he would forget his potential crush on Natalie. Kristen from Statistics was cute, maybe he should ask her out. She hadn't told Fury or Clint about her suspicion that Rogers liked Natalie. She didn't want to embarrass him or her if she had read him wrong. But she did tell Barton to keep on eye open for girls at SHIELD who could be the right fit for him.

Fury informed her that Stark would be in DC for a few days and most likely visit Rogers. Apparently they became some kind of friends during Rogers' first months after SHIELD dug him out. She told Rogers that she would be on vacation for a week so she wouldn't run into Stark who would blow her cover. Coulson had a mission for her in Brazil and that way she even could get a light tan for her cover story. The target was tracked down in two days, after another two taken care of and she tossed the body into the Amazonas and returned to Rio for some actual vacation days. Three days later she was informed that Stark left DC and she could return to her apartment. She spent hours looking for a gift for Rogers since he got her that scarf from Afghanistan and he thought that she was on vacation. She almost gave up when she found a beautiful painting on a hippie market in Ipanema that would fit into his place. She was exhausted when she was finally back and went straight to her bed. She originally planned to give him the painting right away but she just wanted to sleep. She almost slept through the whole day and woke up when the sun was already down. She checked her watch and it was too late to knock on Rogers' door. She had to wait until tomorrow. She showered, unpacked and read over her report about the mission and sent it to Coulson who was still her handler. Rogers didn't open when she knocked on his door the next morning and she left the painting in front of his door with a note to let him know that it was from her. She left to check on her actual apartment and when she came back a few hours later Rogers was about to knock on her door.

"Hi!"

Rogers' hand froze a few inches away from the door and he looked like she caught him with his hand in a cookie jar. "Uh, hi! I wanted to thank you for the painting. It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it." She smiled and came towards him.

"How was your vacation? You were in Brazil, right?"

"Yep. It was great. I even got some color." She didn't miss how Rogers' eyes briefly traveled over her body.

"You look great. Not that you didn't look great before..." He stumbled out and looked at his feet. He seemed to try to collect himself. "Do you wanna get some ice cream? As a thank you for the painting?"

Natasha decided that Natalie could get some ice cream with her friend. She nodded and he smiled. They walked to a cafe close to where they lived and Rogers told her that a friend from New York had visited him. Good thing that she hadn't been here to run into Stark. She told him about Rio but left the tracking, killing and dumping a body into the Amazons part out of her story. She liked talking to Steve, he really seemed interested in what she had to say and his interest was genuine. _Rogers_ , she really liked talking to Rogers! After finishing their ice cream, they stopped by a grocery store because her fridge was still empty and Steve was so kind to carry her grocery bags. _Rogers_ was so kind to carry her grocery bags. She thanked him once they were back and he looked like he hoped she would invite him in but she didn't want to get his hopes up so she didn't. He seemed a bit disappointed but he wished her a good night and walked to his own apartment. She didn't include in her weekly report that she got him a painting from Rio or that they went to get ice cream. She just hoped that Rogers didn't tell STRIKE about her and it reached Fury or she had some explaining to do.

* * *

After Clint assured her more than once that Rogers didn't know where he lived, she agreed to come over to his place for some beer and pizza. If she happened to run into Rogers in the hallway, she would just tell him she was gonna see a co-worker ( that wasn't technically a lie). But the hallway was clear and she drove her beetle to Clint's place. Being the good friend Clint was, her favorite pizza was already there when she arrived.

"Hey, Tasha." Clint kissed her cheek as a greeting. "Or should I call you Natalie?"

She rolled her eyes at him and grabbed a pizza slice. "Don't be an ass, Barton."

He snorted. "You love me like this. Anyway, it's good to finally see you again. After months of texting, I almost forgot what you look like."

"Don't be so dramatic. As if you could ever forget my pretty face." Clint snorted again and she poked her toe into his stomach. "You getting fat, Barton?"

"Hah! I don't think that's possible anymore. Cap's training is ruthless. Dude forgets he's the only super soldier around. I started to feel muscles I didn't even know I had." He complained and stuffed a slice into his mouth.

She really wanted to see Rogers in action. Maybe she should take a peak at the surveillance footage his training when she would be at the Triskelion the next time.

"The new season of Dog Cops is on Netflix, you wanna watch it?"

It wasn't really her show but she knew that Clint was obsessed with it. "Sure."

They watched four episodes and emptied a six pack together. "How's babysitting Cap by the way?"

"Okay. Good, actually. He's a good guy and so far no creepy and adoring fans have figured out where he lives. And no hostiles either."

"You know how long you have to watch him?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "As long as Nick thinks it's necessary."

Clint paused the episode. "You know that you can't work in DC anymore after your op is over, right? Rogers would never forgive Fury if he finds out that he sent you to spy on him."

"I'm not spying on him!" That accusation bothered her. "I'm protecting him. And yeah, I know. Fury will probably send me to work at the London office after I'm done."

"Oh, I will miss you, Natasha." Clint sighed. "Hey, maybe you'll marry Prince Harry and become queen!"

"Prince William is the heir to the throne and he's already married."

He shrugged his shoulders and turned the show back on. She thought about what Clint had said. Yes, Rogers wouldn't forgive Fury if he found out and possibly quit SHIELD but he would also not forgive her. She wondered how Fury wanted her to end the op. Would Natalie move to another city and Rogers would never hear from her again? She tried not to think about that and concentrated on Clint's stupid show.

* * *

Natasha was now Steve's neighbor for four months and she was sure that he pretty much spent all of his free time with her. He told her as much as he could about his work without revealing confidential information and she spent hours on nurse blogs and YouTube channels to come up with her own stories that she could tell him about. He even told her about Sergeant Barnes and she knew from his files that it was a topic he did not want to discuss. All his stories about Bucky as he called him happened before the serum and she got a look into the man Rogers was before he became Captain America. She told him in return some truths about her. That she liked dancing, that Khaled Hosseini was her favorite author (and he put the name on his list) and that she was actually a big Spice Girls fan which she flat out denied every time Clint accused her of it. She included none of their talks in her report for Fury.

Steve just walked through the front door when she checked her mailbox, not that she got a lot of mail.

"Hey, Nat!" He started calling her that a few weeks ago and she had to admit that she liked it.

She gave him a smile. "Hi, Steve. How was work?"

"Good, we only had some training today." He opened his mailbox and unlike her he actually had mail. "How was your day?"

"Uneventful." She always checked the news report to make sure that she didn't miss any big accidents. "We had no emergencies today."

"So, my birthday is next week-" She already knew that. She thought that Captain America being born on the Fourth of July was really funny. "On Wednesday. I'm meeting some guys from work and Sam at a restaurant for steaks and drinks. Do you wanna come?"

"Wait, you were born on the Fourth of July?" She laughed a little and Steve blushed.

"Yeah, I know. It's a bit weird. Believe me I heard all the jokes."

"I would love to come but I have to work." She lied. She didn't trust Rumlow not to make weird comments if Natalie showed up. He loved to push her buttons, for some reason the ass thought it would make her want to sleep with him. "Hospital is full on that day. A lot of drunk idiots get hurt."

"Right." Steve nodded. "I didn't think of that. Well, maybe we can do it another time." He blushed again. "Just you and me."

That sounded a lot like a date. "Um, sure. We'll see."

She felt bad for lying to him and that she wouldn't celebrate his birthday with him. So she bought a bottle of champagne this afternoon and put it in the fridge to cool it. A heat wave hit DC and light summer dresses were the only thing she could wear right now without dying of a heat stroke. With the bottle in her hands she knocked on Steve's door at 11:55 pm. Hopefully he was still up and she wouldn't wake him.

He opened the door in an undershirt and shorts. Wow, he really had nice arms and shoulders. "Hi? Is everything okay?"

She held the bottle up. "You got two glasses for this?"

He smiled brightly at her. "Yeah. Come in."

"I know I can't be at your little party but I still thought I should do something for you." She peaked around the corner into the kitchen where he was getting two glasses. "Let's sit on the fire escape, okay?"

He nodded and followed her through the window onto the fire escape where they had a nice view over the block they lived in. She popped the bottle open and poured them champagne.

"Thank you, Nat. This is-"

She looked on her phone and it was midnight. "Happy birthday, Steve." She clinked her glass with him. "I hope all your wishes come true."

He smiled softly and cupped her cheek with his warm hand. "Thank you. This birthday is already better than I thought it would be. It's my first one after...after they found me. Thank you." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her slowly and gently and no one had ever kissed her like this before. It was nice to be treated with so much care. She liked it so much that she kissed him back. She decided that Natalie would kiss her handsome and cute neighbor on a fire escape on his birthday. His hands didn't wander around and for the first time a man kissed her without signaling her that he wanted to get into her pants. They kissed for a few minutes until she had to pull away because her lungs started to burn.

"Happy birthday." She mumbled dumbly and Steve pecked her lips again.

He smiled at her fondly and they finished their drinks in a comfortable silence and Steve walked her back to her door and she let him kiss her again before she walked into her apartment. Only when she closed the door behind her, she realized that she had just made a huge fucking mistake. What was she thinking? She couldn't just kiss Steve! And when did he become Steve to her?! The girl he had kissed so softly didn't even exist. And she was pretty sure that he wouldn't kiss the real Natasha.

She spent the day and night at her actual apartment and tried her best not to think about the mess she created. Fury would kill her if he found out. He sent her to look after Captain America and not to kiss him. She returned early morning with scrubs in her bag that had never seen a hospital in their life in case she'd run into anyone. She unlocked her door and almost stepped on a big envelope. She picked it up and opened it. It was a pencil sketch of her in her summer dress from last night. She ignored how much she liked the drawing and walked to her kitchen to get some vodka into her system. She royally fucked up.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!**_

* * *

Chapter 3

The drawing was hidden in her dresser now. She thought briefly about throwing it away but she just couldn't. But she also didn't want to be reminded of her mistake all the time so it ended up in a drawer. Steve ( she gave up on calling him Rogers) and STRIKE were sent to Malaysia for a mission and she thanked the universe for it. She didn't know how to react if she saw him right now. It didn't help that Clint had sent her a text telling her that Steve's birthday party had been good and he had been in a great mood and when Rumlow asked him if it was because of a hot girl he scolded him but smiled to himself. And if she happened to know who Steve was smiling about. She just replied that he was a very private person and he didn't tell her anything.

She had her annual medical examination and spent two hours with Agent Simmons who had her running on a treadmill most of the time. She stopped by Maria's office afterwards to find out what was happening at SHIELD. SHIELD's main concern was ISIS at the time and if more of Thor's family could come to Earth to wreak havoc. Maria pretended not to care about gossip but she always knew what was going on. But today she only told Natasha that a lot of female SHIELD agents have asked out Steve and he said no every time. Some thought he was gay and others suspected he already had a girlfriend.

"Do you know something about that? Have you seen him with someone?" Hill asked after sipping on her matcha latte.

Did she know something? There was a big chance that he turned them all down because of her. Well not her, because of Natalie. "No. He always comes home alone and he hasn't mention anyone. Did the women ever consider that they weren't his type?"

Maria laughed. "That could be very true. I mean...He's so...You know..."

"Does someone have a crush?"

Maria rolled her eyes. "No, but I do have two eyes."

She left after she finished her coffee and drove back to her apartment. She decided to tell Steve if he asked her out or tried to kiss her again that she just got out of a bad relationship before she moved to DC and that she wasn't ready for a new one. She was sure that he would understand that. He had a good heart. She ignored the silent wish that he would kiss her again and walked to her bedroom to clean the weapons she hid in her bed drawer.

* * *

Steve and STRIKE were for over two weeks in Asia and she couldn't help but be relieved about that. Maybe he would have already forgotten about the kiss when he got back. Or he just saw as a birthday kiss and nothing more and she had been freaking out about nothing. Someone she owed a favor was in town and she helped him track down an arms dealer. She really missed the action in her life and out of desperation she signed up at a gym to power herself out. She tried the martial arts classes but it was just boring her so she signed up for soul cycle to tire her body out. It wasn't as exciting as her work as Black Widow but at least she got to spend some energy since she had to quit her ballet classes at the dancing academy before people realized that she was a professional and started to ask questions she didn't want to answer.

She took two classes today and was more than exhausted when she drove home and walked up the stairs. No wonder that one lady fainted, even her legs hurt while walking up the stairs. She was so focused on moving up the stairs that she didn't notice Steve walking up in front of her. Shit, he was back! Why did no one tell her about that?! He had a duffel bag over his shoulder and a paper bag in his hands and if she smelled correctly something with cinnamon was in it. She once told him that she loved cinnamon buns (not a lie)...Was the bag for her? No, don't be ridiculous. The world doesn't evolve around you, Natasha! She raised her leg to get on the next step but the muscles in her calf were protesting and she couldn't stop the groan escaping her lips.

Steve turned around and smiled when he saw that it was her. "Hey, Nat!"

"Hi." She took a shower at the gym but she was pretty sure that her face had still red spots all over it, she had to look like a mess...When did she care about how she looked when Steve was around?!

He glanced over her body. "Are you okay? You're standing a bit funny."

"Well, I overestimated myself and took two soul cycle classes right after each other. Wasn't the best idea I ever had." She laughed to calm him because he looked really worried.

"Soul cycle?!"

"Right, um it's a really intense spinning class."

He nodded. "Oh, okay. How are you?"

"I'm good." And hoping you won't mention the kiss. "And you?"

"I'm fine. Work was a bit intense but I got the next days off." He looked at her like he was hoping she would ask him to do something together. But she wouldn't do that.

They walked up the stairs together and he stopped when they reached her door. He handed her the paper bag. "Here, for you. You like cinnamon buns, right?"

So they were for her. Fuck! "Um, yes. But here I am trying to burn calories and you give me this sweet sin." She said lightly as a joke but Steve's eyebrows were furrowed.

"You know that you don't have to lose weight, right? You are perfect the way you are, Natalie."

That caught her off guard. "Thank you, Steve. I was just joking. I'll gladly eat those."

"Good." He smiled at her. "Have a nice evening, Nat."

"Yeah, you too!"

He didn't talk about the kiss or did he try to kiss her again. Maybe it really had been an one time thing for him and she didn't had to worry about it. People kissed all the time without it meaning anything. Hell, most of the kisses she had in her life didn't mean anything. Looked like this had been another one of those.

* * *

It really seemed like Steve didn't linger on what happened between them because he never brought it up when they saw each other. They ran into each other a few times in the hallway and he carried her grocery bags when she walked in with them in her hands. She drank a coke with him in her apartment as a thank you and he left after that. Looked like he really just wanted to be friends. Good, it made the whole thing so much easier.

Steve and Sam invited her to go bowling with them and she missed the pins on purpose a few times so her perfect aim wouldn't make them suspicious. They had spareribs and beer at a diner afterwards and she had to admit that she really like playing the civilian. She never did those things when she was herself. Maybe she could get some more friends than Clint after this mission. But unfortunately not Steve and Sam, she could never see them again after her protection detail would end.

"You okay?" Steve asked worried when they walked to her beetle. She had offered to drive him.

"Huh? Yes, of course. Just a bit tired."

"I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Yeah, me too. Sam's a great guy. It's good you two are friends."

He playfully shoved her. "Looks like I already got two friends now."

She felt a pang of guilt in her chest for lying to him. "Yeah, looks like it."

He walked her to her door when they got home and wished her a good night. She would take it to her grave but she was almost disappointed that he didn't kiss her.

She spent more time with him again after realizing that he wasn't romantically interest in Natalie and she didn't have to fear to lead him on. She helped him get through a few movies on his list and went with him to a some restaurants so he could try out new food. She had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard when he ate too much wasabi even though she warned him that it was very hot.

"It's not nice to laugh about the wounded." Steve pouted with a red face. "Holy shit, how's this stuff legal?!"

"Don't pretend that I didn't warn you!" Her stomach hurt from all that laughter. "Oh, you should have seen your face!"

"I really thought my head would explode! Don't make fun of me!" But he was grinning at her and she was sure that he wasn't mad. But really, his facial expressions had been hilarious!

She didn't see him in the next two days and she was just about to go to her spinning class when he walked up the stairs. His shoulders were slouched and he just looked so... sad.

"Steve?"

He looked up in surprise. "Oh, hi. Didn't see you there."

"Is everything okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure." He looked at her gym outfit. "Have fun."

She walked over to him and placed her hand on his arm. Jesus, his arms were really muscular! "Steve, something is obviously wrong. Please tell me."

"I don't want to bother you. You got plans."

"Tell me, I'm your friend." She was really worried about him. He looked so heartbroken. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Remember Peggy?" She nodded. He had told her about her and of course she knew about Director Carter and her spectacular work. "She's getting worse. Today was the first time that she didn't recognize me. She did later and I know she has Alzheimers but seeing it for the first time..."

She did something, she had only done once in her life. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She felt bad for him and Director Carter. Steve seemed surprised but he returned the hug. She rubbed his back and pulled away after a few minutes. She took his keys out of his hands and walked to his door and unlocked it.

"Are you coming?"

"Your gym class..."

"Don't worry. Come!" She walked into his apartment and dropped her gym bag on the floor and then went straight for his couch and sat down. Steve followed her unsure and she patted the spot next to her. "Sit down." He did and she put a pillow on her lap and tugged at him until he was laying down with his head in her lap.

"You don't have to do this, Nat."

"I know but I want to." She really did. She wanted to be there for him. She brushed her fingers through his hair and hummed any song she could think of to calm him down. Clint had done this for her after she defected and had one of her set backs. It seemed to work because Steve fell asleep but she kept moving her fingers through his hair.

Natasha woke up in a bed that she didn't know. She moved her hand underneath the pillow but of course there was no gun. She took her surroundings in and noticed the shield on the wall opposite the bed. This was Steve's bedroom. Did they...She looked down her body but she was still in her yoga pants and t-shirt and the side beside her was empty and when she touched the sheets they were cold. So she had been here alone. She noticed that her hair was no longer in a ponytail and that her shoes were next to the bed. Steve had done this so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. He was such a good person. She got up and slipped back into her shoes. She checked the clock on his nightstand and it was 2:12 am. She really overstayed her welcome. She opened the door quietly and tiptoed through the living room to get to his front door. Steve was sleeping on the couch. She took another step and the wooden floor creaked. She rolled her eyes. Great!

Steve was off the couch in a second but relaxed when he saw her. "Hey." He said with sleep in his voice.

"Hey." She whispered back. "Sorry I occupied your bed and you had to sleep here."

"It's okay."

"Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "Yes. Thanks to you, Nat."

She ignored how that pleased her. "You're welcome. Good night, Steve."

"You can sleep here." She could have sworn he was blushing but she couldn't really tell in the darkness. "You can have the bed. I stay on the couch."

"No, but thank you. I'll see you. Good night."

"Good night, Nat."

She didn't bother to change into her sleeping shirt and immediately went to bed not remembering that she left her gym bag at Steve's.

A loud knock on her door woke her up around 7 am. She groaned but got out of bed to yell at whoever had woken her up. She yanked the door open and Steve was standing in front of her and all her anger was gone.

"Morning." He smiled and held her gym bag up. Why did he have that? "You forgot that last night." Oh, right." He held his other hand with a paper bag in it up. "I got breakfast. Thank God, you're here. I wasn't sure if you had to work. Can I come in?"

"Sure." She answered perplexed and let him in.

He got them lattes and breakfast muffins and she only noticed while chewing on her muffin that she must look like hell. She brushed her fingers through her hair when he wasn't looking to entangle the birds next on her hair.

Steve caught her doing it and smiled. "Don't worry, you're still beautiful."

She gave him an confused smile and kept eating. What was that supposed to mean? He told her about musicians Sam told him to check out and that he was thinking about taking art classes at the community college to improve his skill set. He was already incredible at it but she didn't tell him that.

After breakfast she walked him to her door and thanked him for the food. He looked at her with a light blush on his cheeks and was rubbing the back of his neck. "So, I was wondering...Do you want to go out with me?"

She was staring at him. "Like a date?"

Steve laughed a little. "Um, yes. Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Did the kiss mean something to him after all? Okay, now was the time where she would tell him that she just got out of a bad relationship and wasn't ready for anything new.

"Natalie?" Steve was so nervous that she could practically feel it.

"Yes, I'll go on a date with you." What the fuck did she just do?!

His whole face lit up. "Really? I pick you up at seven? Tonight? If you are free then, of course."

"Yes, seven pm tonight." Really, what the fuck was wrong with her?

"Great, see you tonight!" He was still smiling when he left and she heard him walking down the stairs through her closed door. What had she done?!

* * *

The smart choice would have been to cancel her date with Steve or to just fake a headache but apparently this mission and Steve Rogers turned her into a fucking moron and she got ready for her date with him. She showered, did her hair and make up and spent ten minutes deciding what she should wear. Would they take his bike? In that case she should wear pants. She wanted to wear leather pants but that was more Natasha than Natalie so she went with paper bag pants and a strapless velvet top and strappy heels. Only when she looked in the mirror, she realized that she put a lot in effort in her look. Well, it was always important to put effort the appearance of her alias. She threw a leather jacket on and put her card holder and keys into her small purse. She was about to put her phone in it as well when she saw that Clint sent her a text asking her if she wanted to come over tonight for some Mario Kart. She texted him that she had a headache and threw her phone into her clutch.

Steve knocked at exactly 7 pm on her door with flowers in his hands. Of course he would get her flowers. He smiled widely at her. "You look amazing."

"Thank you. And you look very handsome." He really did in his light blue dress shirt and grey slacks. What did the kids say these days? He looked like a snack. "Are we taking your bike or my car?"

"Um, actually I have a car."

That was news to her. "Since when?"

"Since this afternoon. Tesla gave me a car months ago and I finally picked it up." He looked bit embarrassed. "But we can also take your car, of course."

Wow, being Captain America must be really nice if Elon Musk gave you a car that could cost easily over a hundred grand. "Let's take yours." Why cruise around in that fucking beetle if they could drive around in a Tesla? She hoped her Corvette wasn't jealous in her storage garage.

Steve took her to a small Italian restaurant in Georgetown that had a beautiful backyard full of fairy lights and it looked really romantic. He was clearly trying to impress her and she tried her best to be bothered by that. She never been to such a cute restaurant before, hell she'd never really been on a date. Real or fake one. Her targets usually didn't pick her up, got her flowers and then drove her to a romantic restaurant. They mostly wanted to hit it and quit it but she usually killed them before it came to either of that. How did Steve even know about this place? Had he ask Sam about a good restaurant for a date? He definitely didn't get the tip from Clint because he was even more unromantic than she was. He had proposed to Bobbi in a McDonalds drive-thru while they waited for their order, no wonder she divorced him two years later.

They were led by a waiter to their table outside and above them were hundreds of fairy lights. It really was pretty here. The waiter was about to pull her chair out but Steve quickly stepped in and did it for her.

"How did you find this place?"

"You like it?" Steve looked relieved. "Um, I actually went with the owner's grandfather to high school."

"How old are you again?" She smirked at him and chided herself. Natalie didn't smirk!

He shook his head. "Show your elders some respect!"

"You're gonna tell me to get off your lawn?"

"You know what, Rushman?" He grinned and the waiter came to give them the menus.

Dinner was great, the food tasted amazing and Steve's company made her feel good. They laughed and flirted and she almost forgot that none of this was real but it felt so nice to be on a date with a good guy. She told him that she loved to travel (not a lie but she left the killing targets part out) and he said that he'd been around the globe a bit but only for work and she already saw them together walking around Buenos Aires with her showing him her favorite places. She quickly let that fantasy go, she had no idea how to explain to Fury why she and Steve should take a trip to Argentina. They talked so much that they only left the restaurant after realizing that they had been the last guests. Steve let her drive his Tesla and she tried her hardest not to just race back to their apartment complex. Oh how she missed her Corvette.

Steve walked her to her door. "I had a great evening."

"Yeah, me too."

"I'm sorry." Steve suddenly said and she couldn't follow. What was he sorry about? "I'm sorry I kissed you on my birthday without ever taking you on a date first. That was not right."

Was that the reason he never mentioned the kiss? Because he thought he didn't behave like a gentleman? Was this man even real? Most guys would have tried to bang her with the "explanation" that it was their birthday.

He brushed a strain of hair behind her ear. "Can I kiss you now, Natalie?"

The thing was before Natasha became a monster and filled her ledger with red she had been a romantic. The Natalia before the Red Room always dreamed that a cute boy would ask her out and take her on dates that ended with sweet kisses. That Natalia had been hopeful and kind before Madam B destroyed her. And here was Natasha now pretending to be Natalie and went on a date with a cute boy who had already given her the sweetest kiss she ever experienced and now he wanted to kiss her again.

"Yes." She whispered and he smiled before leaning down and pressed his lips softly against her own. She quiet all voices in her head telling her that it was wrong and unprofessional and kissed him back. She was finally kissed the way young Natalia always wanted to be and it was amazing. One of his hands was grabbing her waist and the other cupping her cheek while he kissed her so tenderly and gently that she wanted to melt. He was smiling into the kiss and she couldn't help but grin back. He let her set the pace of the kiss and opened his lips when she licked over the seam. The kiss got deeper and more heated but it was still sweet and lovely. He pressed her against the door and lifted her off the ground to get better access when she sucked on his bottom lip. Oh boy,he was an amazing kisser! Her feet were still tangling in the air when she had to pull away to get air into her lungs. They had been making out for some time now and she was out of breath. He kissed her forehead and set her gently back down. She saw how wide his pupils were blown and he was heavy breathing even though the serum in his veins was much more superior than hers. _He wanted her_. That thought was thrilling and she knew that if she would invite him in that he would say yes.

She was about to ask him to come in when he spoke up. "Good night, Nat." He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone and gave her a short kiss. "Spending time with you is the best thing that has happened to me since I woke up."

"Good night, Steve." She managed to stutter out. "Thank you for the great date." He smiled and watched how she closed her door. She leaned against it and slid down to the floor. What was wrong with her? How could she just go on a date with Steve? Why did she kiss him again? And how she could actually consider to sleep with him? What was wrong with her? Undercover work was easy for her, she could do it in her sleep but now she started to care about his well-being and told him things about her that were actually true? What happened to her? She touched her lips with two fingers where she could still feel his soft kisses and she quickly pulled them away when she realized that she was acting like a love-drunk teenager. What the fuck was wrong with her and how did she make it stop?!


	4. Chapter 4

**_Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!_**

* * *

Chapter 4

Her plan was originally to ice Steve out to show him that she had no interest in him like that but it would be mean and that way she couldn't look after him and she had to put _something_ into the weekly reports for Fury (she was already leaving so much out). She still could tell him that she had bad experiences with guys ( that was unfortunately not a complete lie) and asked him just to be friends. Maybe he would be hurt but she knew that he would understand it. But the truth was that she didn't want to do any of that. She had liked the date very much and she wanted to repeat it. It felt so great to go out with a good guy like him even though his affection was for Natalie and not her. She knew it was selfish and wrong but Fury never specifically told her _not_ to date him and Natalie apparently made Steve happy so she kinda had to do it, right? She knew she was just fooling herself but her desire to date a nice boy like him got stronger and stronger. She wanted the real relationship experience and Natasha was too fucked up for that but Natalie wasn't. Natalie could be everything Natasha could never be. And besides wasn't it better if Steve went out with her and not some crazy fan who'd sell their relationship to the tabloids? She looked in the mirror and shook her head. She couldn't go on dates with him, it wasn't fair to him and she didn't want to hurt him.

Steve called her to ask if she was free tonight to go to an outdoor-cinema. She wanted to say yes but she told him that she already had plans with a co-worker. Of course Steve understood and wished her a nice evening. Ugh, why did he have to be like this? To make sure that she didn't completely lie to him she dropped by Clint's place to play Mario Kart. She almost told him about her dilemma but decided against it. She didn't want to bring him into an awkward position with Fury. And Steve. She saw how Clint noticed that something was off with her but he didn't ask because she knew that she didn't want to talk about it.

She looked for the nearest shooting range and went there the next day to keep her mind of Steve. It worked for about thirty minutes until a guy with a Captain America shirt walked in. Did they seriously sell this stuff? Did Steve know about this? Did SHIELD? She glared at the guy when she walked passed by him and drove home. Steve's apartment door was open and her body tensed. Did someone break in? She didn't have time to get to her weapon arsenal but she had a few Widow bites in her purse. She got one out and walked closer. She could hear Jazz music coming from his place which confused her but it could still mean that Steve was in danger. She stepped into the apartment and saw Steve through the hallway in his living room standing in front of an easel. And now she could smell paint, he had opened the door to let some air in. She quickly put the Widow bite back in her purse.

"You got an open day?"

He looked up and smiled. "Ha, no. The fumes are a bit too much, even for my lungs." He put the brush down. "Hi. It's good to see you."

"You too." And she meant it. He cleaned his hands and walked over to her. He looked like wanted to kiss her but his courage left him. She smiled and leaned up to kiss him. In her sneakers, she was so much smaller than him and she was thankful that she was a trained ballerina and could stand on the tip of her toes. There was still a height difference but he leaned down to close the space between them. It was a short and sweet kiss and she liked it so much that she pulled him back against her lips when he tried to break the kiss. He chuckled lightly and kissed her longer this time.

"Hi." He said again with a smile.

"Hi." She smiled back. "What are you painting?" She walked around him so she could take a look at his canvas. It was her looking at the river from the day of their bike tour. "Wow!"

"You like it?"

"Yes, it's amazing. You really are great at this." She complimented him and he blushed a little bit. And then she remembered something. "And thank you for the drawing you did. You know the one from your birthday..."

He slid his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her temple. "You're welcome. And I really enjoy drawing you. You are so beautiful."

She wondered if he would still think that if he found out the truth. She was not only lying to him but she was also a murderer and seductress. "Thank you."

"Do you wanna try it?" He let go of her and changed the canvas. "C'mon, try it."

"I can't draw. Like at all." She really couldn't and even Steve had to admit it after her pathetic attempt at painting him. She may would have been embarrassed if Steve hadn't kissed her until her knees got weak and then let her take him to a small Cambodian restaurant. She wondered if this what being in a normal relationship felt like. Kissing, teasing each other and laughing together. If it was then she had clearly missed out in the last years. Her "relationships" had been mostly physical and with guys who were as messed up as she was. But not Steve. Yes, he had his problems and PTSD but he was such a positive guy. The way he saw the world and the people in it was one of the things she liked most about him. She drove them home and they went to Steve's apartment to watch the Breakfast Club but ended up making out on his couch. Kissing Steve was her new favorite thing and she wanted to do it all day.

He was nibbling along her neck. "I could do this all day." He whispered against her skin.

She chuckled. "I was just thinking the same thing."

He looked up at her and pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth. "I have to leave for a job tomorrow. I don't know how long I will be gone. I'm sorry."

"Oh." She tried to ignore how much she disliked not seeing (and kissing) him for an unknown amount of time. And she was worried that something could happen to him. "Okay."

He sat up and pulled her with him. "I'd rather stay here with you though."

She hadn't thought about something happening to him before when he left for a mission but now there was this nagging feeling. "Be careful."

He ran his fingers down her arms. "I will, I promise."

She stayed in his arms while they watched a few episodes of FRIENDS and he walked her to her door even though it was only ten feet away from his own. "I'll miss you, Nat."

"I...I'll miss you, too." She wasn't so sure if she only said it because she thought it was something that he wanted to her. "Be safe."

He kissed her softly. "You, too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "See you soon."

She nodded and walked into her apartment. Barton better watched out for Steve or she would kick his ass from her to China!

She realized that she got sloppy when Clint sent her a text asking her if she knew who left the hickey on Steve's collarbone that he spotted in the changing room. Why wasn't it gone yet? She only left it there because she thought it would vanish in a few hours because of his serum. She answered that she had no idea and cursed herself. She clearly couldn't be held responsible for her actions when Steve was around.

* * *

Natasha emailed Fury her report (with lots of gaps since she obviously left the painting and kissing part out) and three hours later came his reply complaining that she didn't spend enough time with him to find out if he had contact to people who could be hostile. She rolled her eyes and closed her laptop.

Steve came back four days later and immediately came to her when he got home. She had already heard his bike through her open window and was waiting for him in the hallway. She had missed his presence and it surprised her. She never missed Clint when they didn't see each other, she was glad when she saw him again but she never truly missed him. She was confused by it and stopped thinking about it when Steve walked up the stairs with a big smile on his face when he saw her.

"I could get used to this welcoming committee." He grinned and dropped his duffel bag and shield to the floor.

She rolled her eyes at him but jumped in his waiting arms. "Welcome home." She whispered and kissed him. He lifted her up and kissed her eagerly back. She couldn't stop the sigh that left her lips between kisses. Kissing him was truly her favorite thing in the world now.

He gently set her back on the floor. "I missed you."

She ignored the lump in her throat. "I'm glad you're back."

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"

She shook her head and they ordered pizza and ate it on her couch. Steve was tired from his mission and they continued their FRIENDS watch and traded lazy kisses. She didn't know it before but she really liked this whole dating thing. Just sitting on a couch and kissing a handsome guy was really nice. She never thought it was something she wanted but now that she had it, she had to make sure that her mission lasted as long as possible. They fell asleep on the couch and she later told him that she had a night shift at the hospital because she couldn't stay at home all day without him wondering why she wasn't working. Since he had the next day off he offered to drive her to the hospital and to pick her up after her shift and she slightly panicked but then came up with the excuse that she didn't want her colleagues to know that she knew Captain America. He seemed a bit disappointed but of course he understood her. She spent the night at her real apartment going through the mail from her PO box. When she returned the next morning, she ran into Steve when he was about to leave for his morning run.

"Hey!" He smiled fondly at her and gave her a short kiss. "How was work?"

"Good, I'm a bit tired." She didn't sleep much last night going through her mail and webs online.

He pointed at her bag. "Want me to carry that for you?"

She shook her head. "No, thanks. It's not heavy, don't worry" She kissed him and this time the kiss lasted longer. Did he had to go on his morning run? Steve's tongue was already licking over her lips when someone coughed behind them. They pulled apart and one of the old tenants was standing in the hallway and they were blocking her way.

"Um, sorry. Mrs. Carlson." Steve blushed and she was a bit embarrassed as well and slightly alarmed. Mrs. Carlson was their first witness.

She laughed. "Never apologize for a kiss like that. I'm sorry I interrupted you but I have to get to my swimming class." They moved to the side so she could pass them. "Nice boy you caught there, Natalie!" She winked and walked outside.

Steve was looking at her lips. "Um, Sam's waiting and you should get some sleep."

"Right." But that didn't stop them from making out for another few minutes this time without any neighbors walking in.

She just changed into a top and sleeping shorts and was about to slip into her bed when her phone rang. She checked the screen and it was Clint.

"I was just about to go to bed." She sighed when she answered her phone. "Can't you bother Morse?"

"She's got a hate thing going with that Hunter guy at the moment. And besides I need to talk to you."

That got her attention. "Everything okay?"

"You tell me." Clint sighed. "Natasha, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly, okay?"

"Yes, I think Bobbi can do better than you." She joked.

"Haha, very funny!" He replied dryly. "Did you leave that hickey on Cap's collarbone?"

"What? No! What makes you even think that?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it and I know no one at SHIELD gave him that hickey and you said yourself that there's no one else so that only leaves you."

"It wasn't me. I don't know where he is when he's not at his place. Do you really think he would tell his neighbor if he's seeing someone?"

"I guess, you're right. Sorry. I know you're smarter than that. Okay, get some sleep. Bye, Tasha!"

She stared at the phone in her hands. This was the first time since she and Clint were friends that she actively lied to him. _I know you're smarter than that._ She really wasn't. All she could think about when she was with Steve was how great kissing him was and how his fingers lightly brushing over her skin sent shivers down her spine. That she couldn't get enough of the way he looked at her. She felt like she could be the person with him that she would have been if the Red Room never happened. Natalie could be the woman Natalia always wanted to be.

She was still thinking about her phone call with Clint when she woke up and got ready for the day. Like every day she checked if her roots were visible but she didn't have to dye them yet. She changed into a simple shirt and jeans shorts and put her hair in a bun. She was typing her weekly report to Fury when Steve came over. She quickly closed her laptop and let him in.

"Hey." He gave her a short kiss as a greeting. "I got us hamburgers and fries, you hungry?"

"Yes."

She asked him after lunch to move her palm tree from her bedroom to her living room so it could get more sun. He had a funny look on his face when he carried it into her living room.

"Nat? Why do you have the drawing for your dad in your bedroom? Wasn't his birthday like two months ago? Did he not like it?"

"Um..." Should she say that she wanted to keep it for herself? No, she would tell him as much as possible without blowing her cover. She had lied enough to him already. "I don't have a dad."

He almost dropped the palm tree. "What?"

"I lied, I'm sorry. I wanted you to draw me but I thought it would be weird so I made that up. I don't have a father. Or a mother. I grew up in the system." That was as close to the truth as possible. "I should have told you that sooner. I'm sorry."

He put the tree down and joined her on the couch. "You could have told me the truth, I would have drawn you." He gave her a sheepish smile. "You're my favorite thing to draw. Even back then."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Did you live in a foster family?"

She shook her head. "No, not really. And I don't like to talk about it. My childhood was pretty...rough." That had to be the understatement of the century.

He wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you're not alone anymore. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

 _Until you find out the truth._ Her heart jumped a little at the pet name. No one had never called her that before. It was really nice. Steve kissed the top of her head and just held her. He was so good and kind to her and she was lying to him the whole time. She was such an asshole.

* * *

Two days later she had to give him another half-truth when he discovered the scar on her stomach. A thunderstorm ruined their plans for a picnic but Steve just put the blanket in his living room and lit up some candles and they had their date at his place. Pretty soon they forgot about the food and made out on the blanket. Steve the gentleman even placed a pillow under her head before crawling on top of her. She had been wondering for some time now when or if they would have sex. She knew that she shouldn't sleep with him because then she would cross the final line but she really, really wanted to. So far he made no sign that he wanted to take things further than furiously making out even though she could feel against her thigh how turned on he was. But this time he slipped his hand under her shirt and she thought that maybe today was the day they would have sex but he stopped kissing and biting her neck when his fingers brushed over her scar. It was such a part of her now that she completely forgot about it.

He sat up and she leaned on her elbows to watch him. He was heavy breathing and the blue of his eyes was almost gone but he also looked really worried. "What is this?" He pushed her shirt up to look at her scar. "Who did this to you?" He growled. Of course he would know it was from a bullet and she could forget the idea to say it was from an appendix surgery.

Fuck, what was she supposed to say? _I was protecting an engineer and the Winter Soldier got to us in Odessa and shot me?_ Yeah, she didn't think that would go very well. "I told you my past is bad."

"Oh, Natalie!" He pulled her shirt back down and laid down besides her. "I had no idea!" He stroked the side of her face with his warm hand. "Is the person who did this to you in jail?"

She had no doubt that Steve would look for the shooter if she said that he wasn't. "Yes, he is. Don't worry." She pressed a kiss to his nose.

"Was he...Is he your ex?"

"No. Nothing like that. Is it okay if we stop talking about it?"

"Of course" He kissed her softly. "I want you to know that you don't have to worry anymore. I will look out for you. I will protect you, Natalie. I will make sure no one will ever hurt you again."

She didn't know if she wanted to laugh or to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thank you so much for your reviews, favorites and follows!**_

 _ **This story is rated M from now on. Nothing really graphic but I thought I'd give you a little heads up.**_

* * *

Chapter 5

Steve had been on another mission for a week and came right to her apartment after the debriefing. The day started with a fossil joke, then they were dancing to Jazz music and then...and then they ended up in her bedroom and she slept with him. He hadn't been a virgin like his psychological profile suspected but he was very inexperienced and eager to learn new things. He confessed that he hadn't have sex since he got the serum and feared that he would hurt her with his strength and size (she thought he was a bit exaggerating like most guys were when it came to that topic but boy he was telling the truth, the serum truly enhanced _everything_ ). It did hurt when he pushed inside her but he kissed her temple and waited for her to get used to his size and from that moment on everything was just a blur of kissing, touching and thrusting. Steve stayed the night and they gave into each other again and again (other men would go green with envy if they knew about his stamina) and then he made her breakfast in bed. The whole night and the morning after were perfect and she couldn't stop smiling when he stole kisses between every other bite. She let him take her under the shower again before he had to leave for a meeting at SHIELD.

It only dawned on her what she had done when she was changing the sheets of her bed after Steve left. She had sex with him. She crossed the final line. She had slept with the target she was supposed to protect. God, if Fury somehow found out, he would definitely send her back to Russia. Steve didn't even know she was from there. She knew that sex meant something to him and yet she let him sleep with her even though their whole relationship was a lie. She had failed. She had failed her mission, Fury and Steve. Disgusted with herself she ran to her bathroom to throw up. What was Steve doing to her that made her forget her training and everything that made her the Black Widow? Fury had chosen her because she was the best in her field and then this job turned her into a complete moron. Fuck Fury for giving her this mission and fuck Steve for making her want and like him so much! She did fuck Steve but that was besides the point. Maybe she should let the SHIELD shrinks take a look at her. Maybe she had the Captain America syndrome and was insane.

She met Steve later that day at a cafe after her "shift" and he was already there when she arrived. They found a quiet corner and Steve tried for the first time quiche Lorraine.

He looked serious when they were done eating and waiting for their desert. "I'm invited to a ball at the White House." Oh no, was he going to ask her to be his date? "The press will be there...I want you to know that I want to ask you to go with me but with the press being there and if the public knows about you...I don't want to put a target on your back."

She didn't sigh in relief but she wanted to. There would have been no way to go to that event without her cover getting blown and she couldn't come up with a convincing excuse why she couldn't go. Clearly the hospital would have given her the day off to meet the President. "It's okay. I understand, don't worry."

"I'm still sorry that I can't take you with me to those events. But it's just too dangerous. My job is dangerous and people could use you to get to me." He smiled at her sheepishly. "I would love to see you in a ball gown though."

He was so kind and thoughtful and she was a liar and an asshole. For the first time she wanted to blow her cover but she didn't want to lose Steve. "Maybe there will be another chance for you to see me in a gown. I look good in one."

"Oh, I bet you do."

Back at their apartment complex she followed Steve to his place and showed him how good she looked in one of his shirts after he worshiped her body. She was leaning against the headboard with his head in her lap and brushed her fingers through his blond hair.

"Natalie?"

"Hm?"

"You might think it's old-fashioned and outdated but it was custom back in the day and I actually never asked someone this before." He looked up at her with his pretty blue eyes. "Will you be my girl?"

Her heart was fluttering in her chest while her mind was screaming at her to end this right now. She knew that she would hurt him so much when the truth came out but like always when it came to Steve the fuzzy feeling he gave her was stronger than any reason. "Yes."

He leaned up to kiss her. "You don't know how happy that makes me."

And as it turned out Steve really liked it that she kept his shirt on when she moved on top of him to celebrate this new step in their relationship.

Steve didn't get called in during the following week and when he wasn't at the Triskelion for meetings or training he was with her,eating take out, drawing her or sleeping with her. It was like heaven. She had told him that she was reducing overtime so she could spend time with him.

Stev left to go to Sam's VA group to talk about his PTSD, so far he hadn't had any episodes when he was with her but he was scared that he could hurt her. He didn't know that she could take him if she had to but she was touched that her safety was his priority, she knew that he didn't like to talk about his mental problems. She was still in Steve's bed wrapped in the blankets when her phone buzzed with a text. It was from Clint.

 _You should follow Rogers the next time he leaves and it's not for SHIELD. He DEFINITELY has a girl! He's in a really great mood when he's here and a guy is only like that when he gets laid. You have to find out who she is and if she could be a threat to him. Or SHIELD._

Fuck! Fuck! What was she supposed to do? Write back that she's the reason why Steve was in such a good mood?

 _You're such a romantic, Barton! Did you tell Fury about your theory?_

 _God, no! I ain't no snitch! I just told you so you can make sure that the girl's not just banging him to get famous or to kill him._

She wasn't planning to do either of these things. She just wanted to be with him and protect him.

 _I'll see what I can find out._

She deleted their conversation and got out of bed. She couldn't just tell Steve that he should stop walking around SHIELD parading that he was getting it on the regular. She didn't think that he would tell any of their co-workers that he was dating his neighbor but she still got worried that they could get caught. Well, that _she_ could get caught and Fury would send her back to Putin with a bow on her head. She knew that fucker wanted her dead.

Steve came back an hour later when she was sitting on his couch reading the news on her phone. "Hey, how was it at the VA?"

He sat down beside her and kissed her. "Good. I still have problems to talk about it but just listening and knowing that I'm not the only one helps."

She wished she could tell him about her own demons. "That's good. I'm glad it's helping you to get better."

"Thanks, doll." He kissed her again, this time deeper and with tongue. He had started calling her doll after they officially became a couple. She liked the nickname and she was sure that only Steve could use it without it being patronizing. She would kill anyone who would call her doll besides him.

His hand slipped under her dress but she stopped him thinking about what Clint wrote her. "You wanna do something? Enjoy the last summer days with a tour on your bike?"

Lesser men would have been upset that she wouldn't let them get under her skirt but of course Steve wasn't. "Sounds great. We can have a picnic somewhere."

She quickly got to her place to change into pants and spent the day with Steve at a national park outside DC. Her self-imposed celibacy only lasted until they got back and she dragged him by the collar of his leather jacket into her apartment. Really no one could expect from her to resist a leather jacket wearing super soldier with hair tousled from the wind because that man didn't wear a helmet. She was only human after all.

* * *

The Pentagon had asked Steve to spend time with the troops and he was in in the Middle East for the next two weeks visiting army bases in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kuwait. SHIELD sent her in the meantime to deal with Murdock and his new friends in New York who got on the agency's radar. She had no idea what kind of mess Matt got himself into but she ended up helping them with weird and mystical ninjas. After she dealt with with that nonsense she did a little shopping spree and bought new lingerie she couldn't wait to show Steve . He'd probably say it was because he had the eye of an artist but she could tell that he really enjoyed it when she wore nice underwear.

She got back before Steve and dropped of her report on Coulson's desk and drove home. Steve came back a day later and was a big fan of what she had bought for him. He was especially into her stockings and garter belt and bashfully asked her to leave them on. How could she turn down him when he looked at her with awe and admiration in his eyes?

They spent his free days doing things with Sam (he was the only one who knew they were together), then she found a Jazz club and took him dancing , they explored Maryland with his bike, went to restaurants offering food Steve hadn't tried yet and he drew pictures on her naked skin after they slept together. She was happy and she never wanted this between them to end. For the first time she felt carefree and at peace.

They were in his bed, their fingers laced together above her head and Steve was moving in and out of her. He pressed her down with his weight into the mattress but she didn't mind. They were both panting and moaning and smiling between kisses. Sex with Steve was so different than anything she experienced before. She never smiled during it or felt so dizzy before him. Sex had always been about power or a tool or at best it had been a stress relief but with Steve...With him it was so much more. It was intimate and perfect. And it felt so fucking good. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he slipped in deeper and grunted against her lips.

"More." She moaned and his thrusts grew deeper and stronger. Their kisses got sloppy but they kept kissing until he pressed down hard on her and she was gone taking him with her. She gripped his hands so hard she was sure that she left crescents with her nails on his hands.

He smiled down at her after they caught their breaths and kissed the tip of her nose. "My beautiful girl."

She giggled (before Steve she didn't even know that she could make that sound) and wrinkled her nose.

"You're cute when you do that."

"I'm not cute, Rogers!"

He pecked her lips. "Yes, you are. The cutest." He pulled out of her and kissed her face. "How about I make us some sandwiches and then we start the Harry Potter marathon."

"Sounds like a plan." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He smiled against her lips and moved his head to her neck. She wouldn't say no to a second round but her stomach betrayed her and growled.

Steve laughed against her skin. "Okay, time to get some food into you." He kissed her lips again and suddenly there was a knock on the door. He groaned and got out of bed. "I'll get rid of whoever that is and then I'll make you something to eat, doll."

She wrapped the sheets around her naked body, the sweat on her skin had cooled down and she was cold without Steve's body heat. "Okay, I'll wait here."

Steve smiled, got into boxer shorts and walked out of the bedroom. She was smiling to herself thinking that they should just spend the rest of the night in his bed having sex after they had eaten something. They could still watch Harry Potter another time. She arched her back and glanced at his nightstand. She had given him one of these new Polaroid cameras and since she was his favorite motive he had only Polaroids of her in the photo holder on his bedside table, some of them were even a bit sexy. She bit her lip and looked for his camera. She should take a nude photo and hide it in his room so he could stumble over it. She looked at Steve's shield on the wall, maybe she could pose with it...

"Hey, Cap."

She froze on the spot. It was Clint's voice that she was hearing in the background. Fuck! What was he doing here?!

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. You wanna get some beers?"

"Um...Sorry, but I already got plans." She knew that Steve was blushing.

"Oh, I get it." Clint laughed. "You got a lady in there or do you always run around only in your underwear?"

"Uh-"

"Don't sweat it. Have fun and I'll see you at work. Bye, Rogers."

"Bye, Barton."

She sighed in relief. That had been close! Her phone on Steve's nightstand vibrated and she absently picked it up. She dropped it when she read the text.

 _I know that you are at Cap's apartment right now and that you are the one who's fucking him. Meet me in an hour at Joe's. WE HAVE TO FUCKING TALK!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you so much for your comments!**_

* * *

Chapter 6

Natasha considered to ignore Clint's text but she knew that she had to meet him and told Steve that a co-worker texted her that her boyfriend ended things and that she wanted to check on her. She quickly threw on a hoodie and jeans and drove to Joe's. God, what was she supposed to say? Deny everything? Would he report back to Fury? How did he even figure it out? She was a natural when it came to lying.

Clint was already there waiting for her with a tray of shots. She sat down and he pushed a tequila shot over to her. She took it and gulped it down.

"What the fuck are you thinking, Natasha?" He groaned and took a shot as well. "You can't just fuck Captain America!"

She took another glass from the tray and drank it. She tried to come up with an answer but she couldn't think of anything. What she was doing was wrong and could cost her her job. _And Steve_. Oh God, if Clint decided to talk then she would lose him. Her insides twisted at that thought. She had to make sure that Clint would keep his mouth shut.

"You are supposed to protect him and not jump into his bed! Or did Fury add honey trap to your mission? You never did something this stupid before! Did Fury tell you to sleep with him?"

She shook her head."No, of course not."

"Then stop fucking him!"

"I don't want to!"

"Jesus, Natasha! You can walk outside this bar and find a guy in like two seconds who would bang you. Hell, if we weren't best friends, I would do it! But you can't fuck Rogers!" He hissed and took another shot.

Did Clint really think she was just fucking Steve? That made her angry. "I'm not just fucking him, you ass!"

"What?" He leaned closer to take a look at her. "Don't tell me that you _like_ him!"

She suddenly felt very small. "He's so good to me. I like being with him. It's so different from anything I've ever experienced. I like being his girlfriend."

He sighed and leaned back again. "Girlfriend? Tasha, you know that it will go nowhere, right? You'll have to end the op eventually and move to another country. Or even worse Cap finds out and then you're royally fucked. There is no version of this where you are riding into the sunset with him."

"Maybe he'll understand. I want to be with him and he wants to be with him. I like who I am around him-"

"Yeah, Natalie Rushman who doesn't exist."

"Maybe if I'll tell him the truth then-"

"You think he'd want to be with you?" Clint ran his hands through his hair and she knew that he was right. "He will never forgive you! Haven't you heard that Captain America is all about truth and justice?"

"How do you even know about this?"

"I knocked on your door after I was at Cap's place and saw him half-naked with post-coital glow and I really hoped that some unknown chick was giving him the time of the day but then you didn't open your door and I got suspicious. Maybe it's just a weird coincidence I thought to myself but then I ran into an old lady in the foyer who asked me if I was a friend of Steven and Natalie and aren't these two so cute together?"

Mrs. Carlson. It had to be her. She was the one who caught them making out in the hallway weeks ago. She dropped her head into her hands. "What am I supposed to do, Clint?"

"Tasha, look at me." She did. "Are you in love with him?"

"I...I don't know." She admitted. "I don't even know what love is but I know that I never felt like this before."

"Oh, Tasha. You know that this will end badly, right?"

"Please don't tell anyone." She whispered with a leading look in her eyes. "I'm happy."

"You're gonna break his heart, Tasha. And your own."

She didn't say anything else and gulped another tequila shot down. She knew he was right. Clint promised to keep quiet for now but warned her to fix her mess and she drove back home. The smart choice would have been to go to her apartment but instead she knocked on Steve's door and attacked his lips the moment he came into her view. She just needed this, she needed him before everything would go to hell. She had always known that her time with him was limited. She had to make sure to make the most out of it.

He kissed her back but she could feel that he was a bit surprised. "Everything okay, doll?"

She kissed him again and her entire being was only focused on Steve and her fears moved slowly into the back of her head. "Yes, it is now." She walked to his bedroom and got rid of her clothes on her way.

He followed her but didn't get naked. "You seem a bit off."

She plopped down on the bed and held her hand out to him. "I was just reminded how lucky I am that I got you." Steve took her hand and lowered himself carefully onto her. "Please, I need you!"

"Okay, okay." He leaned down and kissed her and she tugged on his shirt to get it off of him. Together they got him out of his clothes and he was already hard between her legs.

"Nat?"

She grabbed his length and his hold on her waist tightened. "Fuck me."

And he did erasing all guilt and fear with his powerful thrusts. He was the only thing that mattered. The only thing she cared about. She didn't care about SHIELD anymore, only about him. God, what had he done to her?

* * *

Clint kept texting her asking if she knew what to do but she didn't answer and deleted his messages. She knew that he wouldn't tell a soul and she would make it up to him later. She kept her reports to Fury short and professional and included some half-truths to keep him happy.

She ignored everything else when she was with Steve and just basked in his affection. She didn't realize she had been touched starved until him and it seemed like he had been too. They were always touching each other when they were together. Hand holding, hugs and short kisses when they were in public and deep and long kisses when they were in the privacy of their apartments. They spent hours in bed, exploring and teasing each other and she was really glad that they were the only tenants on their floor because they weren't exactly quiet. She made noises she never heard before when he was inside her. He drove her crazy and she beamed like an idiot when he told her that she had the same effect on him. Who knew sex could be this joyful?

She caught a purse snatcher on her way back from the gym but he got a hit on her and pushed her against a banister before she clocked him out and got the old lady her purse back. She told Steve that she fell of the treadmill at the gym when he noticed that she was in pain. Being the perfect boyfriend that he was he offered to massage her back with Voltagen gel.

She was only in her panties on her bed and Steve was kneeling over her thighs massaging her back. After some time his hands moved further south and she snorted. "That's not my back, Rogers."

He started to knead her ass. "You have such a nice behind, Nat." He placed his hands on her butt cheeks. "Like it was made for me. Perfect fit."

She laughed into her pillow. "You're such a caveman!"

His fingers moved under her panty line and she sighed. "How's your back?"

"Already better." She sighed and lifted her hips so he could slip her panties off. She heard clothes rustling and then a moment later a naked Steve was pressed against her backside.

"You want me to beat up the evil treadmill that hurt my girl?" He whispered into her ear and licked over her neck.

"Mm. No, you have better things to do now!" She pressed her ass against his erection and he groaned.

"Like what?"

She intertwined her hand with his that was next to her head. "Like being inside me."

"So bossy." He chided but slowly pushed into her. She moaned happily and he started to thrust in and out of her. He was _so good_ at this, it was ridiculous. She closed her eyes and only focused on the feeling of him inside her. He felt even bigger in this position, if it was even possible.

He rolled onto his side after he rocked her world and she turned her head to look at him. He always looked so good after sex with his tousled hair and rosy cheeks. He had this dopey grin on his face that made her stomach flutter. He brushed a sweaty strain of hair behind her ear. "So, Sam's turning 35 next week and his family is throwing him a party. You're gonna be my date?"

Sam or his social circle had no connections to SHIELD. "Yes, of course."

He smiled. "Great! I'll get you a glass of water." He pressed a kiss to her temple and got out of bed. "And then maybe you can rub my back?" He winked at her.

"That was terrible." She laughed.

"You're still gonna do it?"

"Yeah." She grinned and ended up rubbing a few other things besides his back.

* * *

Sam's party was great and his family and friends were really nice and she was smiling like an idiot every time Steve introduced her as his girlfriend. It was one of the last summer days and Sam's family threw him a barbecue with a live band. After having spent hours teaching Steve how to dance in his apartment, they danced almost the whole night on the patio. She had been so turned on by the way his body was pressing against her that she made him park his Tesla in an empty parking lot and rode him with his head buried between her breasts in his driver's seat. He had been a bit shy at first but then got really into it. At one point her back hit the steering wheel and the horn honked. They laughed so hard that they had tears in their eyes but it didn't stop them from keep going. Did they turn each other into sex addicts?

A meteor shower was hitting DC but the sky was clouded and there would be no way to see it. She could tell that Steve was moping because he was really into astronomy and she thought about a way to lift his mood. She ended up ordering a home planetarium and black curtains on Amazon and prayed it would be here in time. She hung the curtains up while Steve was at SHIELD and plugged the planetarium in. She made sandwiches for them and put blankets and pillows on her living room floor. She hoped this would make Steve happy and that it was romantic. She was still pretty clueless when it came to that topic.

She put on a pretty dress and styled her hair and waited for Steve's knock on her door. It was already raining outside and there was really no chance to see the meteor shower. He finally knocked on her door and she quickly got up to let him in.

His hair was a bit wet. "Hi, doll." He kissed her and looked over her body. "You look great! But I thought we were just watching a movie..."

She took his hand and let him to her living room. "Surprise!" She flicked the light off and the room was covered in stars.

"Wow!"

"You like it?"

"Do I like it? Of course, I do! Thank you!" He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. "You are so amazing, Nat." He kissed her again. "My perfect girl."

She smiled and captured his lips in a gentle kiss. "Come on, let's have a picnic under the stars."

They laid with their fingers laced together on the blankets and looked up the stars. That thing had really been the 200 bucks worth it.

He lifted their hands up and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Nat?"

She looked at him. "Hm?"

"I love you."

Her heart was pretty much leaping out of her chest. "I love you, too. " And that was the honest- to- God- truth. Ever since Clint had asked her if she was in love with Steve, she had been thinking about it and there was only one answer. "I love you, Steve."

He smiled brightly at her and kissed her softly. "You are my everything." He whispered against her lips and pulled her on top of him. She realized that night while they were moving as one why sex with Steve was so different and special. They had been making love this entire time.

* * *

 _Shit will hit the fan soon..._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!**_

Warning: brief mention of sexual abuse and rape regarding Natasha's past

* * *

Chapter 7

Natasha unlocked Steve's front door and walked straight to his bedroom, got one of his hoodies out of his closet and changed into it. She crawled into his bed and wrapped herself into his blankets and took in his smell. Steve was with STRIKE in Kongo and she had been sleeping in his bed since he left. His smell comforted her. She got her phone out and scrolled down until she found her conversation with her boyfriend. She smiled when she saw that he was online.

 _Hey!_

 _Hi, doll:)_

 _Are you alone right now?_

 _Yeah, why?_

She smirked to herself and sent him the photos she took of herself a week ago when Steve had been out with Sam and she used the time to sneak into his apartment (she didn't really sneak in, they exchanged keys after their love confessions) and took some naked selfies with Steve's shield.

 _Enjoy;)_

 _HOLY FUCK! NAT! HOLY SHIT!_

She knew he would like the photos.

 _I hope you know I can never look at my shield again without having these images in my head!_

 _That's the idea, Captain!_

 _Fuck, I wish you were here now!_

 _Why? Your little super soldier needs my attention?_

 _Um..._

 _You ever heard about sexting?_

She got comfortable in his bed and texted with him about what they would to each other if they were together right now and really wished that it were his hands between her legs and not her own. Her fingers weren't as long and thick as his. Coulson would probably jump off a balcony if he knew that his beloved Captain America was sexting during a mission.

A few days later she woke up in his bed with two strong arms wrapped around her. She pressed herself closer against Steve. "Welcome back." She mumbled.

He kissed her hair. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart."

" 'kay." She barely noticed how he buried his head in her hair and tightened his hold on her. "Love you." She slurred and went back to sleep.

She thought at first that she just dreamed about Steve coming back but he was really here when she opened her eyes. He was still asleep and she snuggled closer to him being happy that her boyfriend was back. She wouldn't tell him that she had been in Philadelphia two days ago sent by Fury to kill someone who was after the serum in his veins. She said immediately yes when Fury asked her to leave her post in DC to deal with this threat. She would spill as much blood as necessary to protect her love. Not that she told Fury that. She said that she was itching to get some action and that hadn't been a lie. She loved domestic life with Steve but she also missed kicking ass.

She ended up falling asleep again and woke up when Steve walked in with two mugs of coffee in his hands. "Morning, doll."

She smiled and took one mug. "Morning, babe." She had been trying nicknames for him and this one so far didn't sound too ridiculous coming from her. She couldn't pull of _sweetheart_ like he did. But he seemed to like _babe_ because he smiled brightly every time she said it. She took a sip of her coffee and Steve had made it exactly the way she liked it. Extra sweet even though he joked that he was worried about her teeth.

"So...those photos you sent me...got me thinking." He was slightly blushing and she got curious. "Do you maybe...could we maybe try to...make love on my shield?"

Who knew that Captain America was a bit kinky? She pushed the blankets off and pulled Steve's hoodie over her head. "Let's ravel our balls of yarn!"

He laughed but stared with hunger in his eyes at her naked body. "Where did you hear that?"

"I may or may not googled dirty talk from the 40s. Didn't really get me that hot to be honest."

He grabbed her ankle and pulled her towards him. "Maybe I can get you hot?"

She snorted but let him kiss her with teeth and tongue. Okay, he did get her hot. "Babe?"

He was currently sucking a hickey on her right breast. "Yeah?"

"Your shield..."

She never thought in a million years that something like this would ever happen to her, yet here she was with her back on the arch of Captain America's shield with Captain America on top of her thrusting into her so deep that her body was singing. Not that she was complaining. Oh no, they really had to do this again.

* * *

She kept ignoring Clint until he started to threaten to tell Fury about her intimate relationship with Steve if she didn't text him back. Natasha knew that he would never tell their boss but she felt bad for ghosting him so she wrote him that she was working on it but that she was so happy. He just texted back that she should be careful.

Aside from telling him fake stories about her work as a nurse she only told him true facts about Natasha. She had to leave some parts out but she told him as much as possible. She even told him one night in the safety of his arms and the darkness of her bedroom that she was sexually abused. She changed the Red Room to an orphanage but everything else really happened. He deserved to know that she was damaged goods. She was so dirty compared to him.

He held her close to his chest and told her that he was so sorry this happened to her and that she was so brave and beautiful. And that he loved her so much. He had been unsure the next time they made love but she assured him that she never thought about it when she was with him and that she loved him and knew that he would never do something like that to her. He made so slowly and gently love to her that she almost cried.

Fall was officially here and Steve took her to the carnival after she admitted that she had never been to one. He got them sugar-coated apples and cotton candy and insisted to kiss any leftovers off her lips. She grinned like an idiot and let him drag her to the swing carousel and the Ferris Wheel. Was this how teenagers felt? Steve won her a teddy bear and she allowed herself to show off a bit with her perfect aim and won him one too. They gave them to two girls whose dad missed and didn't win anything. Steve left to get her something to drink and she spotted a booth selling all kinds of stuff. She grinned when she saw handcuffs and bought a pair quickly shoving them into her purse when Steve came back with their drinks. She would surprise him with that when they were home. They walked hand in hand over a field to get to the roller coaster and Steve was telling her about Bucky and their trips to Coney Island when she saw Rumlow walking into their direction. He was with some girl he clearly would try to fuck later. She had to be a Tinder date or something, no woman who spent more than five minutes with him would want to go on a date with him. Rumlow had been trying for years to get into her pants. She wondered briefly how he would react if he knew that she let his CO pretty much daily into her pants. Rumlow was coming closer and she quickly grabbed Steve and kissed him hoping his baseball cap and her blonde hair would make them unrecognizable. Steve kissed her eagerly back and after they pulled apart she saw how Rumlow was leaving the carnival. She was positive that he didn't saw them.

Back at her apartment she showed Steve the handcuffs and he was so kind to pretend that they could hold him. She cuffed him to her headboard and enjoyed how much he struggled not to rip the cuffs apart to get his hands on her while she was having her wicked way with him. An hour later deeply satisfied she uncuffed him and plopped down next to him and took a look at all the hickeys she left on his body. She was almost sorry that they would be gone in the morning.

"Wow!" Steve breathed out and now that his hands were free he wasted no time to get them on her body."That was really great!"

"Mm." She purred under his touch.

He brushed his thumb over her nipple. "Any chance we can do it with the roles reversed?"

She froze having a flashback of her childhood being handcuffed to the bed in the Red Room. "I...don't..."

"Shit, right." He kissed her cheek. "I forgot that you were...abused in your orphanage." He had a hard time saying the word raped. "I'm sorry, Nat. I understand. I won't ask again."

"I'm sorry." She was sorry for not telling him the entire truth and for not being able to give this to him after he had giving it to her. "It's not that I don't trust you...It's..."

"Shh, I understand. Don't worry."

She snuggled against his chest and fell asleep in his strong and safe arms. She woke up in the middle of the night by Steve's loud screams. He was screaming his friend Bucky's name and tossing around in bed with sweat on his skin.

"Steve?" She shook him. "Steve? Wake up. It's just a nightmare!"

She shook him again and all of a sudden he grabbed her and threw her out of bed against a dresser. That woke him up and he stared at her in panic. She stood up trying her hardest not to groan in pain and walked to the bed.

"No!" Steve jumped out of the bed and pressed himself against the wall that was the furthest away from her. "I don't want to hurt you again. Stay back!"

"It's okay. It was an accident!" She said softly. "I'm not hurt."

"I could have killed you!" He looked in so much pain. "Do you have any idea how strong I am? One wrong move and I could crush your skull...I have to leave, I'm sorry."

"What? No, Steve!" He walked out of the bedroom and she ran after him. She didn't think he was realizing that he was butt naked. Not that it was important right now. "Please, don't leave! Let us talk about what happend."

"I was having an episode in my sleep and almost killed you."

"You didn't almost kill me."

"Natalie, I'm strong enough to throw you through a wall. Literally."

"You would never hurt me!"

"I just did." He growled and she turned the light on and saw that he had tears in his eyes. She walked closer to him wanting to hug him but he backed into a corner. "No, Nat! Don't!"

"Tell me about your episode." Maybe talking about it would help him. She wanted to help him. She wanted to tell him that he was no danger to her because she knew how to defend herself, she knew 21 ways to kill him right now in her living room without any weapons on her naked body. He was no threat to her. "What did you dream about? You yelled Bucky's name."

He stared into nothing. "His fall and death. It was like it was happening all over again...Maybe the carnival triggered it. We loved to ride roller coasters...Saved all our money to go to Coney Island...He always looked out for me and when it counted...I let him fall...I...I almost had him...Nat, I almost had him..." He started crying and sank to the floor. She grabbed the blanket from the couch, wrapped it around his shoulders and pulled him against her chest.

Steve only shared the bed with her again after talking to Sam about the incident and she promised him to take self-defense classes to protect herself.

* * *

"Oh God, don't stop! _Fuck_! Yes, right _there!_ " She moaned and arched her back off the blankets and her handswere searching for Steve's head between her legs. " _Steve!"_ He sucked on her clit harder and added a third finger into her. Steve had surprised her with a weekend at a cabin to make up for attacking her two weeks ago. They had a picnic under the stars on a glade near their cabin and soon got rid off their clothes to give into each other. She never knew it had been on her bucket list but now she could cross off Captain America eating her out with a million stars looking down on them. She keened when she finally climaxed and Steve didn't stop lapping at her folds until she tugged on his hair gently. Really, the guy had to have some kind of oral fixation. She wasn't exaggerating when she said that he literally had spent once a whole afternoon with his head between her legs curious to see how many times he could make her come.

He pressed kisses along the inside of her thigh and moved up her body pushing the blanket off of them. Jesus! It was fucking cold! She whined and quickly pulled the blanket back over them trapping Steve's body heat underneath it. So much better now. He kissed her deeply and she could taste herself on his lips.

"Are you trying to outdo the star gazing at my apartment?" She chuckled breathlessly against his lips and then he was kissing her again. Her little home planetarium couldn't compete with the real starry sky.

"Nothing can top that night." Steve sighed and cradled her head with a smile on his face. "You told me you loved me that night."

She smiled back. "And you told me that you loved me that night." She kissed him softly and moved her hips until he was perfectly settled between her legs to push into her.

He pushed _oh so slowly_ into her like he always did the first time and the feeling overwhelmed her every single time. It was painfully and deliciously slow until he was completely inside her. He felt s _o good, s_ he was ruined forever.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders to press him closer to her. "This is where you belong." She hoped he knew that she meant more with that than him being inside her. He made her so happy, she was finally at peace. But she could see in his eyes that he understood her.

"Yes, sweetheart. I love you, too." He kissed her deeply and began to move making her see a different kind of stars than the ones above them.

Natasha watched Steve the next morning chopping wood for the fireplace from the veranda of their little cabin. She had been cold after their lovemaking under the stars and Steve just wrapped her into the thermo blanket, put the rest of their stuff into his backpack and carried her back to the cabin with her already dozing off. He made slowly love to her the next morning and they made breakfast together before he went outside to chop wood. They wanted to have a romantic night in front of the fireplace. She already wondered how his naked body would look like with the glow of the fire. She took a sip from her tea and watched him do his work. Was wood chopping always this sexy? The cold didn't bother him thanks to his serum and she could see how his muscles were moving under his t-shirt. Bless him for always wearing clothes that were too tight for him.

Steve looked with a smug grin on his face over to her. "You're drooling, doll!"

"You will be too, once you see what kind of lingerie I packed for this trip!" She teased and he groaned. She originally wanted to wear it yesterday but decided against it when they went outside to star gaze. There was no way that she would have worn that black corset out in the fucking cold.

She kept watching him and to tease her back he ripped a log in half. With his bare hands! Was it normal to be so turned on by that? She whispered his name huskily and Steve was with her after five wide steps and a jump over the banister of the veranda and carried her into the cabin. She was pretty sure that everyone within a radius of five miles knew that _Steve_ was here with the sounds she was making while he drove her into pure ecstasy.

* * *

Clint showed up at her door when Steve was at some charity thing at the Pentagon. Thinking that Steve was already back she opened the door with a smile on her face and it dropped when she saw who it really was. Fuck! She hadn't seen him since that night he found out about her and Steve.

"Yeah, don't be too excited that I'm not your lover boy!" He grunted and let himself in.

"He's not my lover boy, he's my boyfriend!" She snapped back and went to the fridge to get the vodka out. She had a feeling they would need it.

"Boyfriend..." He plopped down on her couch taking in her living room. His gaze stopped at the the pictures on her coffee table. There had been a photo booth at the carnival and she dragged Steve into it when she spotted it. The first two showed them smiling into the camera and the last two showed them kissing. "Didn't think you were into that crap."

She didn't saw anything and filled his glass with vodka. He took it and gulped it down. "Do you finally know what to do? It's been over a month, Tasha!"

"I want to tell him."

"Natasha! You can't go against Fury's orders! Remember all the things our boss did for you! You can't betray him."

"I love him, Clint. You asked me if I was in love with Steve and the answer is yes. I love him more than anything. And if I have to chose between Fury and Steve, I will chose Steve. It's always going to be Steve!"

"But will he chose you once he knows that you're a liar?" She winced at that. "Sorry, Tasha but it's the truth." He stood up and put the glass on the coffee table. "I don't know what happen to you that made you so stupid but you have to remember who really knows you and who had your back for years! Your mission might be over soon anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I heard whispers that Karpov wants to get back into power. You know that Fury'll send you to deal with him. That mission could take months. So you better say bye-bye to your _boyfriend!_ "

"Why are you like this, Clint?"

He huffed a bitter laugh out. "I could ask you the same. You always said love was for children and that you never wanted a boyfriend and then Captain America comes along and you are a completely different person. You completely ignore me even though you know I'm right. What you're doing is not fair to Steve and if you truly loved him then you would have stopped this charade months ago."

"Get out!" She yelled.

"Gladly! Call me when my best friend is back!" The door was shut loudly behind him.

She knew that he was right but she didn't want to hear it. What if those rumors were true and Fury really sent her after Karpov? Natalie would disappear and Steve would never know why. Should she tell Fury the truth? Would he understand her and let her stay? No, he wouldn't. Of course not. Taking out Karpov was more important than her heart to him. She dragged Steve immediately to her bedroom when he got back and wrapped herself around him after they had sex. She listened to his heart beat and whispered over and over again how much she loved him. Would their time together really be over soon?

Natasha was surprised when she got an invite from Fury's wife LaTanya to meet her for lunch at a fancy restaurant since they hadn't seen each other for so long. She and Fury had taken her in after she was cleared by SHIELD to help her get used to a normal environment. Fury and LaTanya had done so much for her and she felt guilty for her willingness to chose Steve over SHIELD. But she meant what she said. She loved him, she would do anything for him. She could work for another agency. Or freelance.

LaTanya was already there when the waiter walked her to the table. They exchanged small talk and LaTanya complained that her husband wasn't sticking to the diet the doctor ordered.

"You seem different, Natasha." Her older friend noticed over lunch. She looked up raising an eyebrow. "I don't know what it is. You seem calmer, happier. You have a certain glow. If I didn't know it any better I'd say you're in love."

"Ha, good one!" Natasha laughed and felt bad for lying. "We both know that I'm not capable of that specific feeling."

"Everyone is capable of that feeling. My dear husband is the best example for that." LaTanya snickered into her white wine. "Tried to act like he didn't like me back in college. Like he ever had a choice in that matter."

She smiled but didn't say that. She guessed that she was like Fury in that area. It had taken her some time to realize that she was falling in love with Steve.

"So there's no one? A hot guy with a cute ass?"

"No." She lied smoothly but LaTanya gave her a look that made her think she didn't completely believe her.

* * *

Steve was at SHIELD and she was cleaning her apartment and thinking about ways to tell her boyfriend who she really was. She wanted to tell him as soon as possible and prayed that he would understand it and forgive her. She didn't know what she would do if he would hate her forever. It would break her. That would be the thing that would break her. No matter what Madam B had said about her being unbreakable. Steve had that kind of power over her.

Her phone chimed with a text from Fury ordering her to come in for a debriefing. She drove to the Triskelion hoping that she wouldn't run into Steve. No, Fury wouldn't risk that.

She was told to wait into Fury's office and looked out the windows down at the Potomac River. The door was open and she could hear agents walking by.

A few minutes later she heard Fury's voice echoing down the hallway. "Don't be too angry but it was for your best even though you probably don't believe me right now. Just remember how important the mission is!"

Who was he talking to?

"I still don't like your cryptic messages, Fury." That was Steve's voice. She felt hot and cold at the same time and wanted to jump out the window. No, no! He couldn't find out like this! "But I know how important it is to bring down Karpov. The Red Room sounds horrible. How can someone do this to little girls!?"

Fuck! Fuck! What was she supposed to do?

"I think you already know Agent Romanoff." Fury said calmly and she hated him in that moment for not feeling guilty.

"No, I don't think I kno-"

She took a deep breath and turned around to face Steve and his eyes widened in shock. Countless emotions flickered over his face. Confusion, hurt, disbelief and anger. He settled eventually on anger. He looked like he hated her with his inflated nostrils and clenched jaw. He probably did hate her now. Oh God, she felt sick to her stomach.

"Steve..."

"Don't say a fucking word!" He growled. "You lied to me this whole fucking time, _Agent Romanoff_." He made an ugly laugh. "Gotta hand it to you, you are really great at your job! I really thought you loved me!"

"What?!" Fury gasped and looked between her and Steve but she ignored him.

"I do love you! I wanted to tell the truth but I was scared."

"What?" Fury gasped again and looked like he would faint any moment.

"I told you things I didn't tell anyone else and you probably ran straight to Fury to tell him."

"No! I kept all your secrets to myself!"

"That's why the reports were so short..." Fury mumbled under his breath and she glared at him.

"Did you at least feel bad every time we fucked or was that just a perk of the job?"

She winched. He hardly referred to sex as fucking, only when he was really turned on but now that word sounded dirty and not in the good way.

"What?" Fury screamed and sat down on his leather couch.

"It's nothing like that. I love you, Steve. I never lied to you about that! I love you! I love you so much!" She didn't care that her boss could hear everything.

"Excuse me for having a hard time believing that. You're dead to me, _Romanoff_." He spit out, punched the wall leaving a dent and then stormed out of Fury's office.

"Motherfucker!" Fury exclaimed and she could practically feel how her heart shattered into a million pieces. Steve hated her now, she had lost him. What was she supposed to do now?


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you for feedback!**_

 _Warning for strong sexual content_

* * *

Chapter 8

She was still staring at the open door Steve stormed out a minute ago. What was she supposed to do? God, what had she done? She should have told him right from the start who she truly was. She should have told him the truth when she realized that she was falling in love with him. How could she lie to the man she loved for so long? What was wrong with her? How could she enjoy every kiss and every touch from him when he didn't even know her real name? He didn't know he had shared the bed with a killer.

Fury seemed to collect himself and told her that he would still send her and STRIKE to Europe to track down Karpov and to take him out before he could revive the Red Room and gain power in Russia. Putin didn't want a rival to his power and would ignore the assassination of his fellow countryman. Fury appeared to have decided to ignore for now what he just witnessed but judging by the way he looked at her he would have a word with her later. Would he fire her? Would she get thrown into the Fridge? Did it even matter what happened to her after the mission? Steve wouldn't be part of her life no matter what Fury decided to do to her.

STRIKE was already in the quinjet when she arrived at the hangar after getting her new catsuit and gear from the armory. Karpov was rumored to be in Paris to visit the ballet and she was supposed to go there looking for him. STRIKE would be there as back up. To her surprise Steve was also in the jet but didn't look or talk to her. He was in the cockpit and had apparently already given his team their orders. Clint gave her a sympathetic look while checking his bow.

"Romanoff!" Rumlow greeted her with a big smile. "So good to have you back. Looking hot with that blonde hair! Is it true that blondes have more fun?"

"Fuck off!" She glared at him and considered to go to Steve but this was not the right time. She didn't want STRIKE to witness this. She said down in her seat and counted the minutes until they would land in Paris. Was she single now? The scene in Fury's office could probably count as a break up. She didn't want to be single again, she wanted to be his girlfriend!

A Dior gown was already waiting for her in her hotel room and she got ready to for the ballet. STRIKE would be hiding in the shadows and Clint would be at the opera as well. Steve never directly talked to her when he gave orders over the comms and she wasn't really surprised. The Ballet de l'Opéra de Paris performed Swan Lake and she was reminded how Steve had promised to take her to see the Nutcracker on Christmas. It was only November but they had already been planning their first Christmas together. She had been searching for the perfect gift for him and she wanted to cook for him. Not that any of that would happen now. She searched the audience with her opera glasses and spotted Karpov with a group of wealthy people in one of the boxes. She figured that he was looking for investors and promised them power in return. They couldn't kill him tonight, they needed to find out how far his plans already got and who was involved. If memory served right she recognized some of Karpov's friends as terrorists who wanted to overthrow the government of their countries.

"He already made some new friends." She whispered into the comms.

"Yeah." Clint's reply came immediately. "I can see them, too. Cap? I'll plant the bug on him since he'll probably recognize Tasha."

"Copy that." Steve growled and the line went dead again. After the performance Clint bugged Karpov and she went after his friends to do the same. They had to assume that he already built a circle and they had to make sure to get everyone. They would stay in Paris until Karpov made a move and would follow him.

She went to the hotel bar after they got back and drowned her sorrow in martinis. She didn't get drunk since she was on the clock and had to be ready at any moment. Rumlow, Rollins and Clint went to the Moulin Rogue and she had no idea where Steve was. She had to find him and talk to him. She would beg him on her knees if necessary. She had to make him believe that she really loved him. With all her heart. And that she was so terribly sorry.

She walked to the elevators to go to his room to see if he was there. Two floors later the elevator doors opened and someone walked in. _Steve_. He had to have been at the gym judging by his outfit and the sweat on his forehead. He slightly growled when he looked up and saw who was with him in the elevator.

"Steve-"

"Save it." He snapped and stared at the ceiling. "I don't wanna hear anymore lies! Everything that leaves your mouth is a fucking lie!"

"Please, just...just listen to me!" She didn't care how pathetic her voice sounded right now.

"What did I just say?" He growled and suddenly she was pushed against the elevator wall. "Stop lying!" His jaw was tight and he looked at her with rage in his eyes. And with...with desire?

"Steve, I lo-"

"Stop talking!" He pressed his lips on hers in a hard and punishing kiss. He bit and groped her and she realized that he was letting his anger out on her. She didn't care and let him have this. This could be the last time she would ever have him like this and she wanted him. She would always want him. They stumbled to her room and he practically ripped her out of her clothes and left bite marks all over her body and it turned her more on than it should. He fucked her hard and ruthless that night and she let him. She knew that it was wrong and was just making things even more complicated between them but he needed this. She could feel it in the way he was pounding into her and biting her shoulder. He never took her like this before and she was ashamed to admit that she loved it. She screamed and the headboard was banging against the wall because of his hard thrusts. Steve was grunting and biting into her neck when he came. She didn't climax yet but he didn't get soft and just kept fucking her until she came and took him with her over the edge again. She could see it in his eyes when he realized what they had done and quickly pulled out of her and jumped out of bed. He searched for his clothes.

"Steve, please-"

"Shut the fuck up!" He found his briefs and put them on. Next were his pants and shirt.

"Let me explain-" She ran after him when he left the bedroom to look for his sneakers.

"Explain?!" He looked furious. "There's nothing to explain! You fucking lied to me for months! Made me fall for a girl that doesn't even exist! I bet you were laughing behind my back about how stupid I am. When this mission is over I don't ever wanna see you again, you fucking liar! I hate you! You disgust me!"

God, that hurt more than anything the Red Room had ever done to her. "Please, we need to talk about what just happened."

"We fucked, that's what happened. Guess you ended your job with a bang! But don't worry you'll never have to fuck me again!"" He snarled with venom in his voice and left.

She sank to her knees and for the first time in over 20 years she cried until no more tears were left. He hated her. She loved him and he hated her.

* * *

Karpov's body was found the next day in the Seine. As it turned out one of the investors was the older brother of a girl that Karpov had kidnapped to turn her into a Black Widow. The girl had died in the first five months and her family was out for his blood. This had to be some bad joke, her relationship with Steve was ruined for good because of this mission and then some guy got to kill Karpov and not her? She was furious but she understood why that man did what he had done. She knew from experience how horrible the Red Room was. She couldn't blame him for killing Karpov when she wanted to do the same. Sitwell called her to pass on Fury's order for her to stay in Paris until she would get contacted again. STRIKE returned to the States and Clint texted her that Steve quit SHIELD right after they landed. She disobeyed Fury's orders and took a regular flight back to DC and got to her actual apartment. A box was in front of her door and she only opened it when she recognized Clint's handwriting.

 _I got this stuff before SHIELD could swipe your apartment_

She looked inside and found Steve's drawings of her and photos of the two of them. She fought back her tears and sent her best friend a thank you. She got the thing she came here for out of her safe and drove to Steve's apartment. She still had his keys and unlocked the door. He wasn't here but the Polaroids of her were ripped apart and scattered over the bedroom floor and it looked like Steve had thrown the Polaroid camera against a wall. This time she did cry. She dropped her file on his coffee table (the real one without any blacked out parts, the one Fury gave her after she proofed her loyalty to SHIELD) and put the letter she had written during her flight to DC and his keys on top of it. She looked around remembering how happy she was in this apartment and then drove back to the airport to return to Paris where Fury was already waiting in her hotel room. Fuck.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thank you for your reviews!**_

* * *

Chapter 9

"Why am I not surprised that you disobeyed my orders." Fury chuckled sitting on the couch. "Seems to be your new style. Did you talk to Rogers?"

She didn't know what to make of Fury's reaction of her leaving Paris and flying to DC. "No, he wasn't there."

"He quit, did you know?"

She nodded. "Yes, I heard." She sat down on the armchair facing her boss. "Am I fired?"

He crossed his arms. "Thought crossed my mind but we already lost Captain America. SHIELD can't afford to lose the Black Widow, too. You fucked up, Natasha."

"I fucked up? I'm not the one who set that meeting up in your office! Even if Ste- Captain Rogers and I weren't...intimate, he would have been pissed when he found out that SHIELD was spying on him."

"I sent you to protect him!"

"Oh, please." She scoffed. "Captain America can very much protect himself. I'm a spy, not a soldier. I don't do protection."

"Fine, I wanted to know what Rogers did in his private life. Not that you shared a lot of that with SHIELD. At least now I know why. I just thought he was very private and didn't share much with his neighbor but turns out you were his private life." Fury raised an eyebrow. "I don't remembering telling you to sleep with him."

"I didn't plan for it to happen, Nick. It just did."

He titled his head. "Do you really love him?"

"Yes." She answered immediately. "Yes, I do."

Fury chuckled lightly. "And here I thought I've seen everything. You're staying in Europe for now. I can't have you back in the States, we're trying to get Rogers back and your presence could prevent that."

"He won't come back, Nick. He's done with SHIELD."

"He's Captain America. What's he gonna do? Open a dog parlor?" He stood up. "Report to the London office until tomorrow." He gave her shoulder a light squeeze when he walked past by her. "I'm not happy with the whole situation but I'm not mad that you fell in love, Natasha." And then he was gone. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

She left for London an hour later and sent Clint a list with things she asked him to send her to London. She reported to the SHIELD office and was provided with a new apartment. Fury didn't tell them why she was here because everyone was excited that the Black Widow was now working them.

* * *

Natasha spent the next two months traveling around Europe tracking down targets and killing them. She was exactly doing the same work she did before Steve but she was a completely different person now. She barely ate, couldn't sleep and turned down every man who approached her because she couldn't bare the thought of someone else touching her. Her body belonged to Steve, only he was allowed to touch her. Not that he wanted that. She tried to keep taps on him and found out that he left DC. She figured that he moved to Brooklyn. He had always told her that he wanted to move back there one day and even admitted with blushed cheeks that he already looked up hospitals where she could work. She even allowed herself to dream about a life with Steve in a pretty brownstone house in Brooklyn but of course that would have never happened.

She knew that Fury, Coulson and Hill all tried to convince Steve to return to SHIELD but he turned them down. He was done with SHIELD for good. Who could blame him? They all lied to him. She didn't know what he was currently doing. Maybe he was thinking about rejoining the army.

Everyday she checked the flights to New York City and was about to book one and everyday she closed the tab before she click on one. She wanted to go to him, she still loved him so much. And something inside her told her that she would never stop loving him. He was a part of her. She had called his cell phone daily in the beginning but one day a voice told her that the number was no longer in service. She tried to find out his new number but she was unsuccessful. She even tried calling Sam but he just told her to never call him again and hang up. Did Steve read her file? Did he toss it away before reading it? Did he read her letter? Did he know that she told him as much about her as possible? Did he know that she was so very, very sorry?

She was currently in Athens but couldn't fall asleep and went to the hotel bar to get some vodka into her. The barkeeper hit on her but she ignored him and left after her third martini to go back to her room. She removed her make up and brushed her hair that was red again and went to bed staring at the ceiling remembering how Clint had told her that he tried to talk to Steve when he came to SHIELD to clear out his locker but he wouldn't hear a word. Not that she thought that he would have actually listened to Clint, Steve hated her. He probably had a Voodoo doll or a dartboard with her picture on it.

She was in Rome looking for an arms dealer when she got a text from Fury that made her heart stop.

 _Come immediately to NYC. We have reason to believe that Rogers has been abducted._

She dropped everything and pushed the pilot out of the way to fly the quinjet herself. She had never been so scared in her life. It didn't matter that Steve hated her, she would do anything to save him. But who or what managed to kidnap Captain America? Didn't matter, she would rip them apart to save him.

SHIELD drove her to Steve's apartment in Brooklyn where Fury was waiting for her. She felt bad for being in his apartment but that wasn't important now. He already hated her and she had to find him and save him.

"What happened?" She yelled at Fury when she stepped through the front door. "Who took him?"

"Calm down, agent. I know this is personal for you!" Fury followed her through Steve's apartment. She didn't even know what she was looking for. Maybe there was a clue here. "We're checking every cam in New York right now to figure out what happened. All we know is that no one has seen him in three days."

"Three days?!" She turned around to glare at her boxx. "He's been missing for three days and you only tell me now?! He could be..." No, she couldn't finish that sentence. Just thinking about Steve being dead hurt too much. She left Fury in the living room and went through the other rooms. Aside from a kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, he had a guestroom and an art studio/office combo. She didn't feel good doing it but she went through his stuff anyway. Everything could be a clue to his whereabouts. She would slowly kill whoever took him. She opened the drawer of his nightstand and was greeted by the letter she wrote him. It looked like he had read the letter a lot, the paper was battered and had been folded numerous times. He still had the letter...What did that mean?

"Yeah, I found that too." Fury said behind her. "I didn't read it, don't worry. I recognized your handwriting."

She put the letter back into the drawer and closed it.

"I also found your real file in his safe." Fury continued. "You must really love him if you gave that to him."

She didn't respond to that and tried not to think too much about what it meant that he still had her file and letter. It wasn't important now. She had to find him and bring him home and she would kill everyone who got in her way.

"Natasha?" She turned around and Fury held up a tablet. "I think we know what happened to Rogers. Take a look."

She took the tablet out of his hands and started the video. She saw Steve jogging down the street and her heart jumped in her chest. She hadn't seen him for so long. His hair was longer and he had a beard now. Was she imaging things or did he look sad? Did he miss her too? A blonde woman with her back to the camera stumbled and fell down and Steve tried to help her up but she saw how the woman rammed a syringe into his neck. Rage was coursing through her veins, she needed to find that woman and kill her. A van raced towards them and they dragged Steve into it. The woman turned around and smirked into the traffic cam before she climbed into the vehicle. Natasha's breath got caught in her throat. She would recognize that face anywhere. Yelena took Steve. Yelena Belova the woman who claimed to be the rightful Black Widow kidnapped Steve. Steve was in danger because of her. How did Yelena even know what Steve meant to her? The last time she had run into Yelena she spared her life but this time she would kill her. She had Steve, she had to to die.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thank you for your comments!**_

* * *

Chapter 10

She called in any favor and offered new ones to her contacts in exchange for information on Yelena's whereabouts. Natasha had killed a lot of people in her life, she had no idea how high her kill count for and against this country was but she never wanted to kill anyone as bad as Yelena. Not even Madam B.

Fury drove her himself and she was more and more convinced that there was a mole within SHIELD. How else could Yelena know that Natasha loved Captain America? She had looked into the camera to tease her, to make sure that she was going after her. If it had been about Steve, she wouldn't have shown her face to make sure no one would come for him. Yelena was using Steve as bait. Natasha knew she was running into a trap but she didn't care. She would find him and save him no matter what it cost her. She should have killed that bitch years ago. Yelena who thought she was a better Black Widow and wanted to take her place because everyone knew who the rightful Black Widow was -Natasha and she would make sure that Yelena would experience firsthand why she was the best at this game. She would kill her slowly, maybe let her bleed to death over the course of a few days. Natasha smirked to herself. She would make Yelena beg for her death. Did she really think she could take the man that Natasha loved and get away with it?

Fury drove the SUV into an underground garage and led her through a tunnel to an underground base. She had a feeling Fury also suspected that SHIELD had a mole because only a handful of agents were here and this was definitely not the New York Office. So who was the mole? Who knew about her relationship with Steve? Fury and Clint did but she knew that they weren't the leak. Hill and Coulson probably also knew about them but they were loyal to SHIELD. Sam knew about them but she didn't think he had any connections to the Red Room. Did anyone else know about them? She racked her brain but couldn't think of anymore names.

Clint, Maria and Coulson were waiting for them in a windowless conference room. Tracking programs were running in the background and she prayed for a miracle that they would find Steve soon.

"Hey, Tasha." Clint gave her a small smile and she nodded at him.

"No suspicious planes have left New York since Rogers' disappearance, Sir." Coulson reported. "We don't think they left the city with him."

"No, she wants me to find her. She's still in the city." Natasha could practically feel Yelena's smugness thinking that she had the upper hand. She would make sure that little bitch would feel her full wrath. She looked at her colleagues. "SHIELD is compromised."

Hill nodded. "Yeah, we already got that."

"No one outside this room knows about your... relationship with Captain Rogers, Natasha." Coulson said uncomfortable. "We can't explain how Belova knew to take Rogers to get to you. Your relationship never made it into the official files and SHIELD wasn't hacked. We checked."

"Is there anyway she could have been spying on you, Tasha?"

"No, I would have noticed if someone was watching me." She closed her eyes to concentrate. Who could it be? Who would betray SHIELD, put Captain America in danger and wouldn't mind her getting killed? Oh God, she should have realized that sooner. "Rumlow! It's Rumlow. He's the mole. I saw him when I was on...when I was on a date with Steve, I was sure he didn't see us but maybe he did. Or he had a suspicion and Steve quitting and my transfer to Europe confirmed it."

"He also seemed jealous of Cap's abilities and body." Clint agreed. She knew she could count on him to back her theory up. "And he was jealous that all the ladies at SHIELD were drooling over him."

"Not all the ladies!" Maria huffed.

Clint rolled his eyes. "Fine, 99,9% of the ladies. And I think we were all aware that Rumlow wanted to fuck Natasha pretty much since the day she started working here."

"A hurt male ego?" Fury asked. "Rumlow is a former Navy Seal."

"He's an asshole." Coulson suddenly said. "Maybe he didn't do it out of pettiness because Captain America had the woman he wanted to-" Oh God, was Coulson going to say fuck?! "Sleep with but for other reasons. Money is always a compelling reason and Rumlow likes a certain lifestyle."

Fury clenched his jaw clearly unhappy that one of his men betrayed him. "Fine. If you're right you can do with him what you want, Romanoff."

She nodded knowing that Fury gave her the authorization to kill Rumlow. She just knew that he was the mole. There was no doubt in her mind. He was the mole and he would pay for it.

That conversation distracted her briefly from Steve but now she was focused on him again. God, they could be torturing him right now or Yelena could force...No, don't think like that. She needed to find Steve fast. She knew that she would locate them soon because Yelena wanted her to find her but she needed to know NOW were the love of her life was. She sat down on the table behind her at that realization. That was the first time she referred to Steve as the love of her life but that was what he was. She knew she would never love anyone else. It didn't matter that he didn't love her, her heart would always belong to him.

"Nata-" Coulson began but then his phone rang. He picked up. "Aha...I see...Thanks, Fitz." Coulson ended the call and looked up with a frown on his face. "A pair of magnetic handcuffs has been taken from the armory at the Triskelion four days ago. By Rumlow."

Natasha growled and kicked the chair in front of her. Rumlow didn't just leak information, he was actively helping Yelena. What did she promise him in return? That she would sleep with him so he could at least fuck one Black Widow? "I'm gonna kill him."

"You have my full support." Maria mumbled and looked concerned. "We need to find Rogers, sir."

Fury was giving out orders to Coulson to interrogate the rest of STRIKE to find out more. Her phone in her hand vibrated and she opened a text from Matt.

 _I think I found your friend._

Another text followed with Matt's location. He was at an empty warehouse in Hell's Kitchen. The perfect place to hide someone. She walked outside the room to the hallway until she found what she was looking for. Her suit and gear were in another room and she quickly changed.

Clint was waiting for her when she was done and walked into the hallway. "You know where he is?"

"I think so."

"Okay, I'll be ready in five."

"No." She shook her head. "I'm going alone. This is my fight."

"No offence but you'll have to face Belova, Rumlow and probably their goons. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Rollins is with them. You need backup."

"Matt's there."

"You sent your ex-lover to find your boyfriend?" Clint laughed.

"He's not my boyfriend anymore." She grabbed her best friend's arm. "All this happened because of me. If I didn't love Steve, Yelena would have never taken him. I have to end this. I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

"Tasha, I love you but you're a fucking moron thinking you can go in there alone. This is clearly a trap and they are waiting for you."

"I know."

"Look, I know that love makes people blind but you need to think. You need me to watch your back." Clint smirked. "Murdock can't do that, he's blind!"

"Fine."

She made her way to the SUV where Fury was waiting for her. "An ops team will follow you and stay close by." He opened the car door for her. "Make sure that you're not in one of the body bags. Or Rogers."

She nodded and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Give'em hell, Natasha."

* * *

She gripped the steering wheel hard when she parked the car a street away from the warehouse. Rage was coursing through her veins and she never felt a bigger urge to spill blood than today. Whoever was in that warehouse and wasn't Steve would die today.

"Okay, you gotta chill!" Clint said from the passenger's seat. She forgot for a moment that he was with her in the car. "As much as I enjoy Tasha going on a killing spree, you gotta get your head in the game. I know you're out for blood but you need to clear your head. For Steve."

She took a deep breath. "For Steve." A thought crossed her mind and she grabbed Clint's arm. "No matter what happens inside promise me that you'll get Steve out."

"Tash-"

"Promise me that you'll chose him if it comes to that."

"I can't do that,"

"What would you do if it was Bobbi?" She knew that Clint still loved her and hoped deep down that they would get back together.

He sighed. "I would die for her."

She gave him a little smile. "I knew you'd understand."

"Don't let it come to that, Natasha."

"I try not to." She planned on walking out of that warehouse alive after killing Yelena and Rumlow. She didn't want to die but if it came down to her life or Steve's...There wasn't really a choice to make.

They got out of the car and moved in the shadow until they reached the property of the warehouse. Matt was waiting for them.

"I'm counting four including Captain America." He told them and she was so thankful for his heightened senses.

"Thank you for finding him, Matt."

He nodded and continued. "I think Rogers is drugged. His heartbeat is very slow and he's barely talking and when he does then he only tells them to go fuck themselves." Matt tilted his head. " They're asking him about you. How far you'd be willing to go for him. He doesn't think you'll come for him."

That hurt but she wasn't surprised. She knew that he hated her and didn't believe that her feelings for him were real.

"I think the third person is Rollins." Clint said mostly to distract her. "It's a trap, so we don't have to be sneak in. But having Daredevil with us might be a surprise."

"Clint's right." She agreed. He was the ace up their sleeves. "You stay in the shadows in case we need you."

Matt didn't seem happy about it but agreed. She would walk in alone while Clint would be entering through a back exit and waiting for her signal.

She didn't bother to be quiet and walked right into the warehouse and soon found him. She stopped herself from wincing when she saw Steve. He was handcuffed to a pipe and battered and bruised. Blood was soaking his white t-shirt and he was unconscious. She had never been so furious in her entire life. She wanted to run over to him but she needed to find his captures first. She looked around but she couldn't see Yelena and Rumlow. They could be anywhere.

Rollins suddenly came into her view and before he could react she pulled her gun and killed him. One down, two to go. She decided against killing Yelena and Rumlow slowly, she would put two bullets into their heads and then leave with Steve to get him to medical attention.

"Rollins is down. Anyone got eyes on Belova and Rumlow?" She whispered into her comm.

"Negative."

"They're here. I can hear their heartbeats." Matt paused. "They're upstairs."

"Copy that." She quickly ran to Steve and checked his pulse and body. His ribs seemed to be broken and Yelena had branded an hour glass on his neck. She had claimed him as her own. She got so livid she could barely think straight. The only thing calming her a little was the fact that the serum would heal everything.

Tears were streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry they did this to you. I make them pay, I promise." She tried to uncuff him but nothing happened. Right, the handcuffs could only be unlocked with the fingerscan of the person who cuffed him. Had it been Rollins? No, Rumlow or Yelena.

Steve began to stir and blinked his eyes open. "Nat?" He rasped out. God, he probably hadn't had water in days.

She cupped his face. "Steve? Can you hear me? I'll get you out of here!"

He closed his eyes again and his head dropped on her chest. She tried to put him into the most comfortable position as possible when she suddenly heard a high-pitching sound so loud she thought she would go deaf. No, they knew Matt was here! They were overstimulating his senses!

"Matt?!"

No answer. The line was dead. Fuck!

"Clint?"

No answer. She left Steve alone with a heavy heart and went looking for Yelena and Rumlow. She didn't know what happened to Clint and Matt but she knew that she was now on her own. She got her Glocks out and walked up the staircase itching to finish this once and for all. She hid behind the wall next to a door and looked around the corner. No one was to be seen but she knew that they were waiting for her. She took a deep breath and walked into the hall. A shot was fired and hit her shoulder before she could move out of the way.

"Finally you're here, Natalia!" Yelena's voice echoed through the hall. "I've been waiting for days!" She sounded like a child.

"Show yourself!"

"Shh!" Yelena giggled. "You're ruining my entrance! I gotta hand it to you, Captain America is a really handsame man. So big and strong. But I still don't believe Brock when he says that you love him. Love is for children, Talia. You and I know that. But maybe I'll keep the American as my toy. I haven't looked yet if _everything_ of him is big. Did he give it good to you?"

She didn't answer and scanned the room. The bullet had entered her high on her shoulder meaning that the shooter was above her. She was so angry that she didn't even feel the pain. She only felt rage and how the blood was running down her arm. There was small movement on a platform above her and she fired without thinking. A deep voice cursed in pain. So Rumlow shot her. That fucker! At least she knew where he was and fired again. His body fell to the ground and he didn't move. He was soon surrounded by blood. It looked like she hit his carotid. Good.

"Hey!" Yelena yelled and she tried to locate her voice. It sounded like she was in the back of the hall. "I liked that guy!"

Natasha rolled her eyes and moved closer to the back of the hall. "Just come out, Yelena. This is what you want, isn't it? Let's settle this once and for all who's the one true Black Widow."

"You don't deserve that title!" Yelena shrieked. "You betrayed Mother Russia and then you're fucking Captain America? God, what happened to you? You were a legend in the Red Room. We were looking up to you and you threw everything away! How could you have fallen so far?"

"Then come." She threw her guns away. "You want to be Black Widow?" She tugged on her hour glass belt. "Then come and get it."

"I hope you're ready to die, Talia." Yelena moved around a corner and dropped her guns on the floor. Natasha didn't think she had more on her. She wanted to win that mantle with honor in her twisted mind. Yelena was running towards her and she blocked her attack and kicked her in the stomach.

"All that trouble and Karpov's not even around anymore to hear from your death." Natasha mocked and punched Yelena in the face. "Did you know that he always called me his pride and joy?"

Yelena got angry just liked Natasha wanted her to be. Yelena threw a punch but she dodged her by grabbing her arm and twisted it until she heard a cracking noise. The blonde yelled in pain. Good. Her unhurt arm grabbed Natasha's shoulder and her fingers dug into her wound. God, that hurt! She headbutted her and Yelena stumbled back. She had to kill Yelena so she could get Steve out of here and find out what happened to Clint and Matt. She used Yelena's disoriented state, stepped on her thigh to give herself a boost and jumped on her shoulders. She grabbed the pipes above her and and then moved her legs to the side snapping Yelena's neck. She released her hold and she fell dead to the ground. Natasha jumped down and looked around. She needed to find something to cut off Yelena and Rumlow's hands to figure out which fingerprints would open the handcuffs. She found a handsaw and got to work. She ran with the hands under her arm back to Steve who was still out and tried Yelena's fingerprints. Nothing. She pressed Rumlow's thumb on the scan and the handcuffs opened and she supported Steve so he wouldn't fall to the ground. It was over. He was safe.

* * *

Steve would be okay. They were at the hospital and the doctors were flushing the drugs out of his system and had to break his ribs again because they didn't heal back together correctly. He was dehydrated and had internal bleeding but he would fully recover. Not even a scar would be there. Natasha was watching him through the window. She had no right to be in his hospital room. All of this happened to him because of her. She was the reason that he got tortured. She wouldn't be surprised if he hated her now even more. She had caused him so much pain. How could she ever think that she was good enough for him? That she could be worthy of him? Yelena went after Steve because Natasha loved him. She had to let him go. She finally understood it. Even if he had forgiven her for lying to him for months, they couldn't be together of who she was. She took one last look at Steve who was sleeping in his hospital bed and swore to herself to stay away from him. He didn't deserve anymore pain because of her.

She turned on her heels and walked down the corridor when Coulson came into her view. "Where are you going?"

"Rome. I have an arms dealer waiting for me." She fought the urge to scratch her bullet wound on her shoulder. It was treated and her arm was in a sling but the wound was throbbing and itching.

"Don't you wanna stay here? Talk to him?" Coulson asked softly.

"I'm the last person he wants to see, Phil. Don't even tell him that I was in New York."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you want us to lie to him again? I'm sorry but I can't do that."

She sighed, he had a point. "Fine, then don't. Just tell him...tell him that I'm sorry and that I'll make sure he never hears from me again or gets in such a situation like that again because of me." She promised herself to find out if more people knew about her feelings for Steve and wanted to use that against her. She would kill them before they could even think about coming for Steve.

"I gave him the reports, you know." Coulson suddenly said. "The ones you wrote about him for Fury."

"Okay?" She didn't know where he was going with this.

"He seemed surprised that no real personal information about him had been in there."

So he knew that she wasn't a complete liar and tried to betray him as less as possible? "It doesn't matter anymore. See you, Phil." She nodded and paid Clint and Matt a brief visit in their hospital rooms to thank them for helping her.

Fury was waiting for her in the garage. "Leaving so soon?"

"I'm needed in Rome, remember?"

"You can stay here. Wait until he wakes up."

"No." She walked to a car but Fury blocked her way.

"He still has your letter and file. Maybe he's willing to forgive you." Fury said in a fatherly tone and she knew that he used it to manipulate her. "Why don't you stay to find out if he's willing to give you a second chance?"

"Don't you mean if he's willing to give SHIELD a second chance?"

"That too."

"No, I have to let him go, Nick. I know that now. I have to stay away from him. I'm no good. He's got hurt enough because of me."

"Natasha-"

She got into the car. "I'll let you know when I took out Kirgis in Rome." She closed the car door and headed straight to the airport to return to Europe.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Thank your for your feedback! I love to hear from you guys!:)_**

* * *

Chapter 11

 _The sun was shining on her bare back and Steve drew circles with his finger on her skin. He had surprised her with a bike tour after her "shift" and they found a quiet place at the Potomac River. They were the only people here and Natasha decided to get rid of her top to work on her tan. Steve had looked a bit disappointed when he realized that she didn't strip for him (well, maybe she did a little bit for him)._

 _He rolled her onto her back. "Your front also needs sun or your tan is uneven."_

 _She laughed and crossed her arms behind her head. "What a subtle way to ogle my breasts."_

 _He gave her a boyish grin and brushed his finger over her nipples. He leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss. "You know, I always wanted this."_

 _"A half naked lady next to you on a blanket?"_

 _"No, you dork." He kissed her again, this time with a bit of tongue. "Having someone to share my life with." He gently rolled her onto her side facing him and cupped her cheek. "I think I've waited all my life for you, Nat."_

 _She swallowed, overwhelmed with emotions. "I love you. I...I never thought I would get to have this. I love you, Steve."_

 _He smiled brightly. "And I love you. I thank my lucky stars everyday that you moved into my building. It's like it was fate."_

 _She pushed the guilt down and kissed him deeply. He helped her out of her shorts and she undressed him impatiently so they could finally be one again. She laid down on her back and welcomed Steve between her legs. She used to hate it when her sex partner was on top, it made her feel trapped and controlled. Steve was the first man she let to be in control. She loved it when she was underneath him. He made her feel safe and she loved how_ _he was surrounding her. That all she could see and feel was him. He was her shield. He slowly entered her and she moaned into his mouth._

 _"It's you and me, Nat." He whispered and began to move his hips._

 _She only managed to give him a sloppy kiss. God, it felt so good. Every single time. "Yes, always." She promised breathlessly and started to meet his deep thrusts._

 _He made love to her again when they were back at his apartment and then she let him move her body into the position he thought was best and he drew her in the nude. She loved the way he was looking at her while his pencil moved over the paper. He looked at her like she was the greatest thing he had ever seen. She wrapped the sheets around her and sat down on his lap to take a look at his work after he was finished._

 _"Wow, it's beautiful."_

 _"No, you're beautiful, Nat." He kissed her cheek and she sighed. She never felt so loved and safe before._

 _"You make me feel things I never thought were possible, Steve. For the first time in my life I'm truly happy. I would do anything for you."_

 _He gave her beautiful smile that made her heart flutter in her chest. "I love you. So much."_

* * *

The arms dealer in Rome was surprisingly smart and it took her two weeks to track down his buyers and to shut down his business. She didn't feel guilty when she put a bullet into his head and dropped off all the cash she found at his villa at an orphanage outside Rome. She heard from Clint that Steve fully recovered and was back at his place in Brooklyn and turned down Fury's offer to rejoin SHIELD. Coulson and Hill were trying to find out if there were more moles within the agency and Natasha herself found Rumlow's account in the dark web and found out that he had sold his intel about her and Steve to two more buyers, both coming from her past. She tracked one down in a brothel in Amsterdam and the other one in a chalet in Switzerland. She killed them both after making sure that they didn't share what Rumlow had sold them.

Since Steve didn't want to work for SHIELD again, Fury told her that she could come back to the States but she decided to stay in Europe. She had to get over Steve and having an ocean between them sounded like a good idea. She didn't want to run into him and remind him of all the pain she caused him. She stopped checking in on Steve and trying to find out his new phone number. When she wasn't traveling around Europe killing people, she tried to build a life in London. She found a nice apartment that wasn't provided by SHIELD and met men for drinks trying to get over the man who had her heart. She could tell that her dates wanted more from her but she always left before something could happen between them. She just couldn't bare the touch of someone she didn't love. Someone who wasn't Steve.

Christmas had been especially depressing because she couldn't stop picturing how it would have been with Steve. It didn't matter that she booked a flight to Thailand and was sipping cocktails on the beach, she was miserable. Did Steve miss her too? No, he definitely didn't. Maybe he had already a new girlfriend. A nice girl who wasn't a liar and killer.

LaTanya sent her a package after New Year with cookies, candles and books and a letter telling her that Fury had told her about what happened and that she was sorry that Natasha's heart was broken and she shouldn't give up on love. It was a nice gesture from LaTanya but Natasha knew that this had been her one chance at love and she blew it. And it hadn't even been real. Steve hadn't even loved her, he had loved Natalie.

She hated herself every time she saw a tall and blond man and thought for a second that it was Steve, She always thought people had been exaggerating when they said that being love sich was like grieving but her heart was dead and it hurt where it had been. It was the worst when she went to bed and remembered how it was to sleep in his arms. How he tugged her against his chest after they made love and kissed her forehead and his heartbeat was lulling her to sleep. She missed him so much, it was insane. It physically hurt but she had to learn to live with it. Steve didn't love her and even if he did, she was a danger to him. Her past could be his death sentence if more of her enemies knew that her cold and dead heart belonged to Captain America. Even though he didn't want it.

* * *

Natasha was with an ops team in Syria to free a group of journalists who had been taken hostages by the Syrian government after they uncovered several attacks on its own people. Usually STRIKE would have been sent to deal with the situation but Steve had left SHIELD and Rollins and Rumlow were dead. It took them days to find the camp where the journalists were kept. They would storm the camp by night and bring the hostages to safety.

It was weird for her to work in a team again. She had been working with Clint before she had gotten the order to look after Steve and after that she worked on her own. She was responsible for these agents and she had to make sure that they would get out of here alive. They got on the move by nightfall and managed to surprise the guards and took them down. Some tried to use the hostages as human shields but she had a perfect aim and hit them anyway without hurting the innocents. They were already moving them to the trucks that would get them to the quinjet located near the border to Turkey when someone opened fire on them. She was pretty sure that it was only one sniper.

"Stay low and wait for my signal." Natasha whispered into her comm. "Cover me!"

Her agents started to shoot back and she sneaked back to the hills of the camp. She saw a figure in the shadows and fired at it. "Go, go!" She told her team and kept firing. Some bullets bounced back which confused her. Was the sniper wearing some kind of suit? She got closer and saw something gleam in the moonlight. Something made out of metal. No, no. That couldn't be happening. The Winter Soldier moved his rifle at her and she threw a widow bite destroying it and quickly jumped behind a tree. Fuck, what was he doing here? Did the Russians send him? She barely heard him but he was coming closer to her. She checked her guns and took a deep breath. He had shot her once and left her on a road to die. She wouldn't let that happen again. She moved around the tree and the Winter Soldier was already there and snatched the guns out of her hands and threw them away. She kicked him and he landed a hard punch on her face that made her stumble backwards against the tree and she felt blood running out of her nose. Before she could react his metal hand was wrapped around her throat choking her. God, he was so strong! She could feel how she was losing consciousness but fought against it. She managed to activate her Widow bracelets and electrocuted him. Now he was the one stumbling back and she did a roundhouse kick sliding his mask off. She found her guns and jumped to get them. She only looked at him when she had one of her Glocks in her hand and was about to shoot him. Her breath got caught in her throat. No one had ever seen the face of the Winter Soldier before. And now she knew why. She had seen this face before. She had heard stories about the man that face belonged to. There was no doubt in her mind that Bucky Barnes was standing in front of her.

"Sergeant Barnes?"

"какйе?" He looked startled.

"James Barnes? Bucky?"

His eyes widened and she didn't know why but she quickly grabbed the camera from her utility belt and took a photo of him. Barnes shook his head in confusion and then took off. She got up from the ground, picked up her second gun and returned to her team telling them that the sniper was dead. They made it to the Turkish border without anymore incidents.

* * *

She didn't tell anyone at SHIELD about what happened at that camp. She knew that Fury would want to catch Barnes but she didn't think out of entirely selfless reasons. He'd probably would want him to work for SHIELD after losing Captain America because Natasha was pretty sure that Barnes was enhanced and those didn't come that often. She was enhanced herself but nowhere near the level of Captain America. She printed the photo out when she was at her apartment and stared at it. The quality was not the best but his face was easily seen. It truly was Barnes. Steve had told her that he fell to his death in the Alps but it looked like someone found him and saved him. How was he still alive? Cryo-freeze? Did he switch sides out of gratitude? No, she didn't think so. She had seen that blank look in his eyes before. Barnes had been brainwashed. He probably didn't even remember that he was Bucky Barnes.

What was she supposed to do? She didn't want to go after him. The Winter Soldier was the one person who scared her. There was only one thing to do. She got an envelope, wrote the date and location on the back of the photo and sent it per express delivery to Brooklyn. Barnes had been Steve's best friend and he deserved to know what happen to him so that he could help him. She hoped for Steve that he would find his friend and it would be less bloody than her two encounters with him.

She just got back from Madrid after having to clean up a mess from another SHIELD agent and was too tired to make herself something to eat. She ordered a pizza and used the time until its arrival to take a quick shower and to unpack. She was cleaning her weapons when the doorbell rang. Wow, it only took them twenty minutes to deliver her pizza. Now it only had to taste good and she would stick with this pizzeria. She put the Glock on the table and grabbed her wallet on her way to her door. But it wasn't the delivery guy on the other side of the door.

"Can you help me find him?" Steve asked her and held the photo up she had sent him.

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She hadn't seen him in weeks and he looked so good with his longer hair and beard. And he smelled so nice. No, Natasha stop right there! He was here because he hoped she could track down his best friend. She didn't want to have anything to do with the Winter Soldier. He was the one person who almost killed her. She was afraid of him. But Steve was here asking for her help even though he despised her. And she still loved him. God, she loved him so much. And she once promised him that she would do anything for him. And she didn't want to add another lie to the red of her ledger.

"Yes, I'll help you."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Thank you so much for your feedback! Every single comment is highly appreciated. It means so much to me to see that people are invested in this story.**_

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Chapter 12

Natasha contacted every of her Russian contacts offering them favors in exchange for intel on the Winter Soldier. Her old friend Yuri who now lived in Kiev could give her something on Barnes that proved that he had been put in cryo-freeze when he wasn't needed. She didn't really know yet who he worked for. Was he working for the Russians? Or freelancing? No, she didn't think that was the case. Had he gone through something similar to the Red Room? Too bad Karpov was dead. He would have definitely known something if the Russians were behind it. If they knew who Barnes or rather the Winter Soldier worked for finding him would be much easier.

They barely talked to each other. They only spoke if she had new information or discussed if they should follow a trail. Steve had been staying at a hotel in London and she told Fury that she was using all her vacation days to deal with something from her past. It wasn't a complete lie, she did run into the Winter Soldier before. She didn't want to get SHIELD involved. She developed a program searching for Barnes' face on every traffic and surveillance cam around the world and went through the databases of intelligence agencies for sightings of him. She would find him for Steve. She wouldn't stop until she did.

Clint texted her asking if her and Steve made up because apparently he went to Clint to find out where she lived and he assumed it was to get back together. She just told him that she would help him with something and that she couldn't say more. Only she and Steve knew about the Winter Soldier's real identity. Well, maybe he had told Sam about it. Not that they talked about anything besides Barnes.

She heard from a contact that old KGB officials were meeting for some kind of gala in Warsaw and she decided to join them. Not that they would be thrilled to see her but maybe she could get them to talk. She texted Steve to tell him about it and he insisted to come with her. She'd rather had him stay in London but she could use Captain America as back up in case things would go sideways. She hadn't seen him since the day he had showed up at her door asking her for help and that was five days ago and now they would sit in a plane next to each other. She didn't know how she would be able to go through that but she had to. She had to handle the fact that he would be close to her but that she wasn't allowed to touch him or even really talk to him. They hadn't even talked about Yelena and what she did to him. She hadn't even apologized for what they had done to him.

She met Steve at Heathrow and walked with him in silence to their plane. She didn't realize how hard it would be to be with the man she loved in a small pace without really talking and paying extra attention that their hands or arms didn't accidentally touched. She didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable, she knew that he thought she was disgusting. He was only enduring this to save his best friend. God, he was such a good man. He really loved Barnes. She once knew how that felt, even though that love was meant for Natalie.

She booked two rooms for them at a hotel near the mansion where the gala would be and got ready for the event. Steve would stay close by in case things escalated and she needed back up. He had taken his new Captain America suit made by Stark (she could only imagine the hateful talks these two had after finding out they both knew Natalie Rushman) and his shield with him. She'd never seen him suited up and he really looked good in it. Who knew she had an uniform kink? She quickly pushed all thoughts about how sexy Steve looked in his uniform away when he showed up at her door to ask her if she was ready.

"Yeah. I'll let you know if the situation calls for you. But it's better if no one knows that you're here."

He nodded. "Okay." His eyes briefly wandered over her. She had dolled herself up to fit right into the gala. She had put her red hair into a chignon, wore eyeliner and maroon lipstick and was wearing a black full length gown with a slit in case she needed to fight. No one could see it but she was armed to the teeth. It was like he caught himself looking at her and quickly looked into her eyes. "I'll be hiding in the shadows."

He hadn't said her name once since he showed up. Not one version of her name. "Copy that." They checked their channel and she left in a cab to get to the mansion of some oligarch. She really hoped that the gala would go smoothly and she wouldn't need Steve as back up.

A murmur went through the crowd when she entered the ballroom. People were probably surprised that the Black Widow showed up here after switching sides years ago. They considered her a traitor and she probably was one but she didn't feel bad about that betrayal. She only felt bad about betraying Steve. Would she ever stop loving him? Probably not.

A former high ranking General of the KGB was walking towards her with a clenched jaw. "Romanova, what the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

She gave him a sweet smile. "This is an event for former KGB members, isn't it? Last time I checked I fit into that category."

"You cunt betrayed your motherland. Russia gave you everything and you thank her by working for that one-eyed American."

"Russia took everything away from me. My parents, my innocence and humanity. Get your facts straight. But we're here to celebrate, not to dwell on the past." She left him with that and scanned the crowd for people who might be willing to share some intel with her. That fucker definitely wouldn't tell her a thing. She took a glass of champagne and wandered through the hall. Most people threw death glares at her but that didn't bother her. It actually made her feel proud. It just proved that she had done the right thing when Clint offered her to join him and SHIELD.

She spotted Irina Grishina who had hated Madam B and wanted her position and maybe she would talk to Natasha since she was the one who killed Madam B. She went straight for her and Irina greeted her with a grin.

"Irina."

"Natalia. Or Natasha?" Irina looked amused. "They have so many names for you. The Widow. The Russian Traitor. The Slavic Shadow. The Red Death. Even after the Red Room your name is still feared. Well done."

Natasha was aware that Steve could hear every word. "Thank you."

"So what brings you here? It's not the oysters, I take it."

"No, I'm here for intel."

"Of course you are."

"What do you want to know, my child? Maybe I can help you and then you'll owe me."

She didn't want to owe Irina anything. She was just as evil as Madam B had been but maybe she knew something about the Winter Soldier. And she could kill Irina when she wanted to call in that favor. "The Winter Soldier. I have unfinished business with him. He put a bullet in me, I'd like to return the favor."

"Your parents never told you it's not good to hold on grudges."

"You know they didn't."

Irina smirked. "You're sure you can take the Asset on? He might be a number to big for you."

She never heard anyone refer to the Winter Soldier as the Asset. Irina clearly knew something. "Let me be the judge of that."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Irina said but not with much conviction. "I'll tell you what I know. Maybe you actually find him and he kills you. But you probably won't find him and you'll owe me. And I intend to collect."

"Deal."

"I don't know much. Was above my pay grade but I know that he wasn't KGB. He belongs to another agency but we could borrow him from time to time. He's put in cryo, I heard. He's supposed to be really old."

"What agency?"

"Never heard a name. They're in hiding but supposedly everywhere. They have people everywhere."

Could that be true? A secret organization that infiltrated every agency around the globe? Wasn't entirely impossible. Could explain why no one knew really something about the Winter Soldier. Everyone knew the Black Widows had been with the Red Room. "You know anything else?"

"Njet. Told you everything." Irina could be telling the truth or be lying. "Remember that you owe me."

"I'm sure you'll do that for me." She would kill Irina the next time she would see her. She made a few rounds but no one was here that outranked Irina who could have provided more information about Barnes. So now they had to look for an organization that no one knew about. She had check the SHIELD database for any clues. She was about to leave when the drunk General decided to shoot at her and the bullet grazed her arm. She grabbed a silver tray and threw it at him knocking him out. Asshole! People stared at her but didn't decided to shoot at her. She snatched a napkin from a table and pressed it on her wound and left the room.

"I heard a shot. Are you okay? Do you need back up?" Steve was suddenly in her ear.

"No, everything's under control. I meet you at the hotel." She took a cab and Steve was already in front of her hotel room when she arrived.

His gaze fell to her arm. "You're hurt!"

"It's fine." She unlocked her door and after a moment Steve followed her in. "I take it you heard everything."

He nodded. "Yeah. You have any idea what organization she was talking about?"

"No. I'll check the SHIELD servers for it later."

"Okay." He was looking at her arm again and then suddenly grabbing it gently. She felt a jolt of electricity running through her body. It had been so long since he had touched her. "You need me...You need help with that wound?"

That would be a bad idea. She couldn't accept his help when she was secretly lusting after him. He didn't deserve that."No, I got it. Thanks. I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Okay." He looked at her arm again but then turned to leave. "Night."

"Yeah." She nodded and watched him leave. She wanted him to take care of her wound, to feel more of hands on her but it wouldn't have been right to ask for his help. She had no right to do that. She took a shower, patched herself up and sat down with her laptop and searched the SHIELD files on anything that could be about secret organizations.

* * *

Natasha had been tempted to contact Fury to ask him if he knew anything about a secret organization since he always claimed to have eyes everywhere but she didn't want to betray Steve again. She found the location of an abandoned base in Austria that SHIELD couldn't assign to any agency. They took the next flight to Vienna and the plane got into turbulence and she unconsciously grabbed Steve's hand when the plane was jolting up and down. She only realized what she was doing after they were out of the storm clouds.

She immediately withdrew her hand. "Oh God, I'm sorry!" What had she been thinking? She couldn't just take his hand!

"Huh?" Steve looked perplexed for a moment. "Right. It's fine. It's okay."

She nodded and kept her hands to herself until they arrived in Vienna. They rented a car and she drove them as close to the base in the Alps as possible. They had the radio on and didn't talk.

"You think there's still someone?" Steve asked when she parked the car because she couldn't drive any further. They had to walk the rest.

"Don't think so. Reclaiming it after SHIELD found it would be stupid. Who knows how long it's abandoned but maybe we'll find clues that get us closer to Barnes."

Steve nodded and they climbed up the mountain until they arrived at the entrance of the base. The base had to be abandoned for years now, it was covered in spider webs, dust and even bats were nesting inside. They flipped their flashlights on and searched every corner. They found a destroyed cyro chamber and some tools that could have been used to fixed Barnes' metal arm.

"They kept him here." Steve concluded after he saw the cryo chamber.

"Yeah." She agreed. "But that could have been years ago. We need to keep looking, maybe we find more."

Steve stared at the chamber but then nodded and they went through the rest of the base and looked outside the base. Even the smallest clue could lead them to Barnes. But they didn't find anything else and made their way down the mountain. Two things happened at the same time, a goat jumped out of a bush and Natasha got startled by it and missed her step and fell down. She would have rolled down the rest of the mountain if Steve hadn't grabbed her wrist and saved her.

"Thank you." She got back on her feet.

"It's fine."

She put weight on her right foot and winched. That hurt a lot. She must have sprained her ankle or something, great. Steve must have seen her pained look. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Let's go." She gritted her teeth and continued to walk down the mountain but she clearly wasn't hiding her limping very well because Steve noticed.

"You're obviously in pain."

"It's fine. Come on, we have to be back at the car before the sun's down." She said and walked away from Steve.

Steve was suddenly right behind her. "It's not fine." His hands were suddenly on the small of her back and under her legs. "You can barely walk. This way we're faster." He swept her off her feet and began to walk. No, no! What was he doing?!

"Let me down!"

"You're in pain."

"Let me down!" She practically yelled in his face. He couldn't carry her. He couldn't be nice to her. It was wrong, he hated her. He shouldn't feel obligated to help her. "Let me down!"

"Jesus!" He put her down and looked angry. "Fine, have it your way!" He stalked away from her and he was already waiting at the car when she arrived. Her ankle was throbbing and she was sweating. Steve snatched the car keys out of her hands and drove them back to the cheap hotel they were staying at. He barked at her to see a doctor and then shut his down behind him. She fought back her tears and injected herself with the pain medication SHIELD provided its agents with and put an ice pack on her ankle.

* * *

Irina contacted her with a name she was positive had been working for the organization when they all had been KGB. She barely remembered Ludlow but she knew that the others had been viewing him with distrusts. Maybe because he was a double agent. Ludlow was last seen in Prague and they left immediately for it after Natasha got the intel. After the mountain incident they were barely speaking to each other. She almost preferred it that way.

She tracked down Ludlow's house in a suburb of Prague and they took the subway to get there. They agreed to pay him a visit when it was dark outside in case things would escalate. They both left their suits at the hotel room and her stomach was already knotted in twists just thinking about the fact that they had to share a room because all hotels were booked due to some festival in the city. She tried everything but she couldn't find a hotel with two available rooms. Poor Steve being forced to stay with her in one room. He was probably happy about every second he didn't have to see her face.

Ludlow was protected by his own security team but they managed to take them out. This was the first time she saw Steve in action and Clint had been right. He really was amazing in the field. She was so taken by his fighting that she was distracted and one goon managed to get her with his knife. He gave her a long and deep cut on her thigh before she killed him. She was thankful that she was wearing black jeans and Steve couldn't see her blood. She didn't want him to yell at her again. Ludlow was hiding in his bedroom when they came for him. He tried to look brave but she could see the fear in his eyes.

"What are you doing here, Romanova?"

"Looking for answers!" She grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the wall. "Tell us everything about the Winter Soldier!"

"Why's he here?" Ludlow's gaze fell on Steve behind her. "You figured out who he is? You wanna save him? It won't work! He's ours!"

Steve pushed her out of the way to get to Ludlow. "What did you do to him?" He snarled and put his arm on Ludlow's throat. "Where is he?"

"I'll never tell you! Maybe they'll send him after you to kill you. You've always been our greatest enemy."

What did Ludlow have to do with Captain America? She saw a letter opener, grabbed it and rammed it into Ludlow's waist. "Answer him!"

"He's been with us all this time!" He yelled out in pain. "He doesn't remember you. He never will. He's loyal to us. We are the reason he even survived that fall! He would have dropped dead to the ground without us!"

"What?" Steve sounded confused. "What are you talking about? Dropped dead without you?"

Steve wanted to ask more but Ludlow suddenly had a gun in his hand that he must have hidden on his body and was about to shoot Steve. She was still standing next to them and rammed her letter opener through Ludlow's ear killing him before he could pull the trigger.

"Hail HYDRA." He whispered before he sank dead to the ground. What? Had she heard right? HYDRA was gone. Steve gave his life to stop them.

Steve was staring at Ludlow's body and then looked at her. "You just saved my life."

She just nodded at him unsure what to respond to that. "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yeah. HYDRA experimented on Bucky after they captured his unit. They must have done something to him..." He looked at her with wide eyes. "Is HYDRA still around? After all this time?"

"I don't know. We can't rule it out. Would fit the whole secret organization thing."

"I thought I stopped them-" His gaze fell from Ludlow to her feet. Why was he staring at her feet? Didn't he like her boots? "Why are you standing in a puddle of blood?"

"Huh?" She looked down completely forgetting that she was hurt. "Some guy cut me with his butter knife when we made our way in. It's fine. I'll stitch it up at the hotel."

He clenched his jar but didn't say anything. She grabbed a sheet, ripped it apart and used some of it as a bandage for her thigh. With some stitches and the serum in her veins the wound should be gone in a few days. They took the subway back to their hotel and Natasha immediately got the first aid kit out and walked into the small bathroom when they got back.

She only noticed that Steve had followed her when he was suddenly lifting her on the sink cabinet and cut her jeans open. She was so perplexed by it that she forgot to push him away. He was already cleaning the cut when she found her voice again.

"Don't. I can patch myself up. I've done it plenty of times." She hissed when the alcohol ran into her wound. "You don't have to do this. Get some sleep."

"You saved my life." He looked up at her and she lost herself in his beautiful eyes. "You saved my life. Again. Let me do this."

"Again?"

He was piercing the needle through her skin. "New York. You came and got me out of there." He said softly and stitched her up.

"It was my fault they took you. Of course I came."

Steve gave her the ghost of a smile and her heart was hammering in her chest. It was all suddenly too much for her. His hands on her skin, his small smile, him being so close to her. She had to get out of here before she did something stupid. Something he definitely didn't want her to do. Steve was done stitching her up but his fingers were still on her thigh and brushing around the wound. That and the smell of him made her ache between her legs. She wanted him. God, this was so wrong of her! His fingers moved to the inside of her thigh and she closed her eyes. It felt so good to be touched by him. He was looking at her through half-lidded eyes when she opened her own. His gaze fell on her lips and she wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to rip the rest of her pants apart and take her right here on that sink cabinet. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that she always would. But he didn't love her, he hated her. He was just patching her up because he was a nice person and the adrenaline in his body made him think that he wanted her. She pushed him away and jumped of the cabinet ignoring the pain in her thigh and the throb between her legs.

"Thank you for patching me up." She walked into the hotel room and was reminded that there was only one bed. The universe was really fucking her over! She grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the bed and put it on the floor. She used Steve's absence to change into a tank top and leggings and laid down on the floor and pulled the blanket over her. Steve came out of the bathroom but she didn't see him because she had her back to him.

"What are you doing?"

"What?"

"Why are you sleeping on the floor? You can take the bed."

She shook her head. "No, you should have it."

"Natasha." He sighed and a shiver ran down her spine. He'd never said her real name before. Hell, he hadn't even used her last name since he showed up in London."You can sleep in the bed." He paused. "With me. It's big enough."

"No. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Steve. It's already worse enough for you that have to do this with me. I know that." She whispered and pulled her blanket over her shoulder.

"Natasha." He pulled her blanket away and made her sit up. She was confused, what was he doing? "I read your file. And your letter. More than once. God, I think I can quote it by now. You came for me, Natasha." He pushed the strap of her tank top down and stroked the scar that Rumlow's bullet left on her. "You got this to save me. I got a visit from Fury's wife." He chuckled lightly. "Didn't even know he had a wife. Nice lady, a bit bossy." He met LaTanya? But what was he doing? "Sleep in the bed with me." He pushed the other strap of her tank top down and her chest was exposed. "Sleep with me, Natasha."

Her whole body was on fire and she was sure that she would combust any minute now. "Are you sure? We should talk-"

"We can talk later. I need you right now." He whispered and kissed her and she melted in his arms. Everything was a blur from that moment on. Clothes were thrown across the room, he lifted her from the floor onto the bed and kissed her deeply and sucked his way to her breasts. She was confused, she didn't know what it all meant. She should stay away from him, she had to to keep him safe. Didn't he hate her? But the way he was kissing and touching her felt so good. No, they couldn't do this. But every doubt was forgotten the moment he pushed into her causing her to arch her back off the mattress. She couldn't think about anything else except Steve and how perfect he felt inside her.

"Natasha." He whispered against her lips and began to thrust into her and she was completely gone moaning his name overwhelmed with her feelings for him.


	13. Chapter 13

This is it -the last chapter. I always intended this story to be on the shorter side.

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Chapter 13

Natasha woke up with an arm slung over her. She recognized the arm and the man's scent immediately. Steve was next to her. Oh God, she had slept with him! They had sex last night. What had she been thinking? She was trying to stay away from him! She was such a fucking idiot! What was she supposed to do now? They had to dig into the whole HYDRA thing and find out where they kept Barnes. Did he sleep with her because of what happened yesterday? She shouldn't have been weak, she shouldn't have given into him. But his kisses felt so good, his beard on her skin felt soft and rough at the same time and it was so perfect when he had been finally inside her again. Flashes of the night before were running through her mind and she was getting aroused. No, nope. Natasha, pull yourself together. You can't lust after your ex-boyfriend.

She had to get out of this bed and take a shower and then...she had no idea what she was supposed to do. It was an one night stand. It didn't mean the same to Steve than it did to her. He probably just wanted to distract himself from Barnes and HYDRA. She tried to get up but the arm around her tightened its hold and Steve pulled her with her back against his chest.

"You're thinking too much. It's too early for that." He said and nuzzled his face into her hair. "I like the red."

"Steve, what are we doing?"

"It's called cuddling." He pressed a kiss to her head. "Let's get more sleep. We have a lot ahead of us."

Why was he like this? Why did he want to cuddle? She was so confused and waited for the moment he would shove her out of the bed. "You hate me."

His other hand brushed her hair out of her face. "I don't. I wanted to but I couldn't. Maybe I did a little after I found out. Did you mean what you wrote in that letter?"

"Yes. Every single word." She turned in his arms to face him. She had to look him in the eyes. "I am sorry, Steve. For lying to you. For pretending to be someone that I'm not. For using you. And I am sorry for what Yelena and Rumlow did to you. I am so so sorry for everything." She started crying but she had to keep talking. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it. Not that's not true. I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. You made me feel things I never felt before. But it was wrong to start something with you. It was unprofessional and so unfair to you. But I never felt like this before, Steve. I know I told you so many lies but I never lied about my feelings. I'm sorry."

He wiped her tears with his thumb away. "I had a lot of time to think about everything in the last months. I thought about everything you told me while you were living next door, read your file over and over again and your letter. And I realized that you told me things about you that were true and that maybe not everything was a lie. And then Belova and Rumlow happened and I was sure that you wouldn't come. Rumlow said that you would come because you loved me and I was convinced that it wasn't the case but then you did came and saved me. But you were gone when I woke up and I thought that you only came out of guilt-"

"Steve-"

"Please let me finish. And then Fury's wife was suddenly at my doorstep telling me to get my act together. That she had never seen you this happy before and that you'd never lied to Fury before me. Coulson showed me the reports. Nothing personal about me was in there. Nothing about Bucky or my PTSD. And then you sent me Bucky's picture. You could have told Fury about it, I'm sure SHIELD would be interested in him but you only told me. And then you decided to help me. Even though he shot you, even though his past is probably similar to yours and those memories can't be pleasant. And I've been realizing that the Natasha I've been seeing in the last two weeks is pretty similar to Natalie. Clint told me that you wanted to tell me the truth and that you thought about quitting SHIELD even though Fury had done so much for you." She had been silently crying while he talked and he was brushing her tears away. He kissed her softly. "I know now that we weren't a lie."

"I am sorry, Steve. There's no excuse for what I did." She closed her eyes and he pulled her closer to him. "How can you look me in the eyes after what I've done. And you read my file. You know what kind of person I am. Belova went after you because of me. She won't be the last."

"Yes, I read your file. What happened to you is horrible. But I think that Natalie wasn't a complete lie. I think Natalie was the person you want to be. The person you could be. The woman you are deep down."

"I...I don't know what to say. I...Do you still want to be with me?"

Steve smiled softly. "I want to get to know Natasha. I want to see all of you."

"You've changed me forever, Steve." She whispered. She wanted to tell him that he loved him but she didn't think that he wanted to hear it right now. "I will never let you down again. I promise. And I am so sorry for hurting you. It was the worst thing I've ever done. The biggest regret in my life."

"I forgive you. I'm now ready for it."

"Really?" She asked quietly. "I don't deserve it."

"Let me be the judge of that." He rolled onto his back and took her with him tugging her against his chest. "Let's get a bit more sleep. We'll figure everything out. You and me. And HYDRA and Bucky. We'll figure it out."

* * *

They followed every potential lead in the next weeks and traveled through Europe. They still hadn't figured out where Barnes was hidden or if he had been on a mission since they started looking for him. They didn't know what to do about the HYDRA threat. She wanted to tell Fury about it but Steve didn't trust him and he was right when he said that SHIELD could be infiltrated. So it was just the two of them going after the Winter Soldier and up against HYDRA. They stopped booking two hotel rooms and slept in the same bed and Natasha had established a no sex rule much to Steve's disappointment. They needed to talk more and work on their relationship and sex would get in the way of that. Because once they started, they would be at it for hours thanks to Steve's lack of refectory period and them both being horny like teenagers but they needed to talk and so she decided that they wouldn't sleep with each other. Steve adorably tried to convince her that "hand stuff" wasn't sex but she stood her ground and Steve being Steve of course understood where she was coming from and agreed to it. They talked every night about the fruitless search and HYDRA and she also told him about her life. About the Red Room, about the horrible things she had done for them and how Clint had been sent to kill her and made another call. How Clint and Fury had helped her and how the Furys let her stay at their house after she was allowed to leave SHIELD. She didn't leave anything out and in the darkness of different hotel rooms across Europe Steve got to know everything about her. She never wanted to keep another secret from him ever again.

She got wind about a rumor that the Winter Soldier would be send after a liberal and popular politician wanting to change Sokovia who had big chances to win the election. They waited for days tailing the politician until the Winter Soldier showed up. The fight was brutal. They got the politician to safety and then mostly Steve and Barnes beat the shit out of each other. She tried to intervene to protect Steve and ended up with a broken wrist and two broken ribs. Steve was seriously injured with multiple stabbing and gun wounds but he managed to overpower Barnes and knocked him out. She actually hadn't thought about what they would do once they got Barnes but as it turned out Steve got it covered and Stark was the answer. He sent one of his quinjets and let Barnes stay at his Tower where he couldn't escape and would be monitored 24/7. He even found specialists who were positive that after the right therapy the Winter Soldier programming would disappear. Stark seemed surprised that she was by Steve's side and still a bit pissed about the whole Natalie Rushman thing but he did offer her to stay at the Tower and wanted to include her in the fight against HYDRA.

Natasha didn't stay at the Tower but at her safe house in Harlem. Steve stayed at the Tower and spent hours watching his best friend and then later talking to him. It was still a long way with lots of set backs but Barnes sometimes remembered Steve and she saw how happy he was when it happened. She, Stark and Steve did agree in the end to tell Fury about it who apparently already had his own suspicions about SHIELD being compromised. They still didn't really had anything on HYDYA or knew who was a member but they took down their greatest asset and that was a start. She was sure that they would bring down HYDRA eventually.

Steve had spent the day with Barnes who remembered more and more of his time before HYDRA and even started to give them important intel about the Nazi organisation. Steve picked her up with his bike and drove with her to his place in Brooklyn. She hadn't been here since she looked through his place to save him from Yelena. He took her hand and walked with her into his apartment. He told her to sit down in the living room and she did. He was in his bedroom for a moment and then came back with her file.

"I've been meaning to give this back to you for weeks now, Nat." He put the file on the coffee table. "I know what it meant that you gave me the real one."

"I don't need it back. You can keep it." She told him everything and he helped her move on from her past. He helped her become a new person. A better person. She was still working on it but she wanted to be the person worthy of Steve Rogers.

"Okay." He nodded and walked to his fireplace. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes. Do it." She followed him.

He threw the file into the fireplace and lit it on fire. "You're not that person anymore. You're my Natasha." He smiled and cupped her face. "Don't ever forget that."

"I won't. I promise." She smiled back and closed her eyes briefly when he kissed her forehead. She was so grateful that he forgave and that they were back together.

"I love you, Natasha. I love every version of you because in the end they're all the same beautiful woman." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"I love you, too. Only you." She gave him another kiss and Steve's hands wandered over her back to her ass.

"So... is the no sex rule still in tact or..." He grinned sheepishly and squeezed her bottom.

She laughed and kissed him with teeth and tongue causing him to groan. "Take me to bed, soldier."

He swept her off her feet and carried her to his bedroom." Yes, ma'am."

Two weeks later Steve introduced her to Barnes with a proud grin on his face as his girl and it made her knees weak. She immediately liked Barnes when he said that he had no idea how Steve managed to score such a beautiful woman.

The End

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 **Thank you all so much for reading! And for all your reviews, faves and follows! An especially big thanks to those who regularly commented, you guys rock! And thank you to all those silent readers, I hope you enjoyed this story!**


	14. AUTHOR'S NOTE ABOUT POSSIBLE SEQUEL

So is anyone interested in a sequel? One or two have asked for it and I wanted to know if more people were interested to see a second part of this story. I have a few ideas for a sequel.

Let me know what you think!

EDIT: Sequel _Still falling for you_ (a WIP) is now online


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